I didn't write an update yesterday thinking that there is nothing I have that I would like to put up here - for reasons including that I wanted I hide. But later I realized that I could have written some things! Never mind ... :D
I came from the reception party of Monday's wedding at 11:40 pm. Things got over a little today. We didn't meet many people. Just had the dinner, sat there for a while and left. The function was grand enough. I thought of sleeping the moment I came home but was reminded of this blog I have :)
Just sometime back I also realized that there was no coffee at home. It got over wen I had a cup in the morning. So I went out to get it from the near by medical store. It's so pleasant outside.
Yesterday after having my dinner I stayed online for sometime. Just after 12 midnight I felt like eating something It was not exact hunger I felt but I wanted to eat something. I saw some biscuits. I didn't feel like eating them. There were some slices. I opened the refrigerator. I saw a cup of curd and thought that it could have been so nice if I never had to hate it's taste. Then I thought of eating peanuts. I was reminded of the allergy and boils I suffered with when I ate peanuts about a month back.
I ate a banana and a tablet, Actifed Plus. The medicine was to prevent any cold hurting my throat when I would wake up today. I usually get a throat pain when I eat a banana just before sleeping in the night! So complex everywhere!
Yesterday I bunked the class after lunch break in the afternoon (of course afternoon!). I spent the time with my friends sitting behind the library. We had lots of jokes and some good time together. Sometimes I feel that I am being touchy whenever I write anything like "it was a good time spent" or "I felt great being there". But I mean it and I like everybody letting know what all I like. Perhaps I need to find some other way of expressing myself - a one that is straight enough to explain what I feel yet keep away from anything all that that may appear sentimental!
My cousin sister left India on Wednesday early morning. She will be in Decatur in a few hours I suppose. I will be waiting desperately to see her online. My other cousin brother who came here from Kyrgyzstan too left today morning at 11:20 am. He will reach there tomorrow. I met his brother and father today at the function. I will miss him too. Yesterday night we had a chat and we bid goodbye to each other emotionally. We shared some "sorries" for not being able to visit each other's houses anytime in the last few days.
Something happened Monday morning and I was feeling guilty about it. I even thought of taking a big step towards solving things - or perhaps worsening them. Yesterday night I was feeling like having a talk to somebody on this and discuss it out. Thankfully a friend came online and we had a chat. I got the right advice form the friend and I won't be doing anything now. Just pray :) for everybody. I can't forget what happened but I won't think about it - at least with my own will.
I expect some mistakes - typos and grammatical - in today's post. My ears were wired to earphones all through the writing time I had - 15 minutes I guess. I was continuously listening to "The Reason", "How to save a life" and "Savin' Me" :D
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Monday, January 8, 2007
I know something you don't know
I have been finding it very difficult to go to the gym in the evenings. I am even planning to start preparing for CAT seriously now - it's already high time. Then I even like to spend time on the internet daily for some good time. Somehow I have to manage time. I am getting tired when I reach home after college. I am thinking of going to bed a little early - at least by 12 midnight and go to the gym in the mornings. I hope I am able to handle this. InshAllah I will.
Today after the college we 7 friends went to have 'chaat' at Keshav Reddy which is close to our college. It was nice being there. I reached home at 6:15 pm and since then I feel like taking a nap. But I have some work to do - I have been postponing the washing of the car and my father is getting restless with that (he is presenting a very sweet face whenever he mentions about that but he is sarcastic I know!) - so, will clean the car now. Then we have a wedding party to attend.
I have been lately thinking of how exciting it becomes when we have some secrets with us. And it becomes even more thrilling when we share a secret with a close friend. It feels as if we are superior - something like "see I know something you do not know ... I am above you"!
Today after the college we 7 friends went to have 'chaat' at Keshav Reddy which is close to our college. It was nice being there. I reached home at 6:15 pm and since then I feel like taking a nap. But I have some work to do - I have been postponing the washing of the car and my father is getting restless with that (he is presenting a very sweet face whenever he mentions about that but he is sarcastic I know!) - so, will clean the car now. Then we have a wedding party to attend.
I have been lately thinking of how exciting it becomes when we have some secrets with us. And it becomes even more thrilling when we share a secret with a close friend. It feels as if we are superior - something like "see I know something you do not know ... I am above you"!
Sunday, January 7, 2007
The trick to being a bore is to say everything
Yesterday something held me back from writing for the blog. Perhaps I felt that there was nothing substantial to write. Though I was tired, I was up here, sitting in front of the computer chatting with 2 of my very good friends. I was too happy with that and I didn't care to take the satisfaction I usually obtain from updating this blog. Somehow, I am back here in words again!
Yesterday night I slept around 2:30 am. I woke up at 6 once, tried to sleep again, got out of bed at 8 m. I was at CL 5 minutes before the start of the class. It was a class of quantitative analysis and we did algebra in that. It was a class just to help all of us revise the fundamentals of the topic.
Yesterday I banged into the classroom at 6:50 pm. 20 minutes late. The moment I opened the door I saw a lot of students sitting there. I was thinking to myself "my batch's students never come in such large numbers". I just opened my mouth "may I come in sir?". From behind the student instructor asked "Which batch?". I was still at the door. The instructor from inside said "come in". I turned and replied "A3". She pointed towards the door of other room. I silently slid the door back and went into my classroom. We had a class for English Usage.
In that class we were asked to prepare a word list of some new words and weave them into some skit which too had to be designed by us. We all were just 7 people in the class ans we were split into 2 groups. I was in the one with 4 students. We didn't write the dialogs down unlike the other group. We prepared the word list and planned the scene. We thought we would somehow use the words spontaneously. We used less than half of them. We forgot the words while trying to be impulsive.
We were all laughs after we finished. We enjoyed. We even got to have some interaction with other students. I made a couple of friends. The class ended at 8:50 pm and I was there till even after 9 talking with my class mates. I got to know more people and socialize. My friend from my college wasn't there in the class so I had to take a bus back home. I reached home just a little before 10 pm. I was tired.
Today after the class I went to attend a lunch party. It was a friend's birthday. He first planned a lunch at Tadka, Ohris - road number 11. I was there with him on time. 12:30 pm with another friend. He was continuously in contact with our other friends and few of them told him that they can't come up. He felt bad I am sure. Because the number reduced, he thought of having some other place as the venue. We had ordered a bottle of water. He paid Rs. 50 for that! And we left for eat street.
There we had 8 people totally. 2 more turned up just on time. We had some heavy things and the cake too and I was home at 4:45 pm. I did a lot of walking too after the lunch with a friend. We crossed the Khairtabad flyover to reach the bus-stand. After coming home I slept.
Yesterday night I slept around 2:30 am. I woke up at 6 once, tried to sleep again, got out of bed at 8 m. I was at CL 5 minutes before the start of the class. It was a class of quantitative analysis and we did algebra in that. It was a class just to help all of us revise the fundamentals of the topic.
Yesterday I banged into the classroom at 6:50 pm. 20 minutes late. The moment I opened the door I saw a lot of students sitting there. I was thinking to myself "my batch's students never come in such large numbers". I just opened my mouth "may I come in sir?". From behind the student instructor asked "Which batch?". I was still at the door. The instructor from inside said "come in". I turned and replied "A3". She pointed towards the door of other room. I silently slid the door back and went into my classroom. We had a class for English Usage.
In that class we were asked to prepare a word list of some new words and weave them into some skit which too had to be designed by us. We all were just 7 people in the class ans we were split into 2 groups. I was in the one with 4 students. We didn't write the dialogs down unlike the other group. We prepared the word list and planned the scene. We thought we would somehow use the words spontaneously. We used less than half of them. We forgot the words while trying to be impulsive.
We were all laughs after we finished. We enjoyed. We even got to have some interaction with other students. I made a couple of friends. The class ended at 8:50 pm and I was there till even after 9 talking with my class mates. I got to know more people and socialize. My friend from my college wasn't there in the class so I had to take a bus back home. I reached home just a little before 10 pm. I was tired.
Today after the class I went to attend a lunch party. It was a friend's birthday. He first planned a lunch at Tadka, Ohris - road number 11. I was there with him on time. 12:30 pm with another friend. He was continuously in contact with our other friends and few of them told him that they can't come up. He felt bad I am sure. Because the number reduced, he thought of having some other place as the venue. We had ordered a bottle of water. He paid Rs. 50 for that! And we left for eat street.
There we had 8 people totally. 2 more turned up just on time. We had some heavy things and the cake too and I was home at 4:45 pm. I did a lot of walking too after the lunch with a friend. We crossed the Khairtabad flyover to reach the bus-stand. After coming home I slept.
Thursday, January 4, 2007
Slaughter. Not Hang
Today I didn't attend even a single class. I had planned of bunking the lab in the morning and I did. I spent a very nice time in place of the networks lab that I had to attend. In the afternoon my friends pulled me out of the class and took me to watch 'Miami Vice'. I wanted to attend the class - my attendance is on a fall. The movie: I liked whatever part I understood!
After that I went to my grandparents' house. It was my aunt's wedding anniversary too and I wanted to meet them all. I had my lunch there even though I already had the lunch box in the college itself. I left for home at 6 pm.
My parents and brother were going out to make some purchases and were expected to come after 9 pm. But before that my mother's cousin called home asked if she could talk to my mother. I said that mother is not home and I will call her and make her get in contact as early as possible. I could hear her voice crying. I called my mother immediately and informed her about the call.
Some minutes my grandmother called me and told that my mother's aunt has expired. My parents didn't come home and rushed to their house immediately. The came here sometime back, had dinner an left again. My mother would be staying there in the night. We had to get dinner from outside.
Sometimes it becomes necessary that we have people we can share even the smallest thing we have pressed in our hearts. I have mentioned the importance of having such people in our lives already. And I say it again. I find myself as the luckiest (if at all there is something called as luck) person I know. Allah has blessed me with such people. I don't know how to thank Him for that. I do not know how to thank these people for that. I guess having tears in eyes while writing this is enough to show how much I mean it.
But I fear losing them. I fear that someday everybody will take their own ways and I will be alone. Who knows if I will find more of such kind of people in the future. All I can do is pray and also pray that these prayers are accepted!
After that I went to my grandparents' house. It was my aunt's wedding anniversary too and I wanted to meet them all. I had my lunch there even though I already had the lunch box in the college itself. I left for home at 6 pm.
My parents and brother were going out to make some purchases and were expected to come after 9 pm. But before that my mother's cousin called home asked if she could talk to my mother. I said that mother is not home and I will call her and make her get in contact as early as possible. I could hear her voice crying. I called my mother immediately and informed her about the call.
Some minutes my grandmother called me and told that my mother's aunt has expired. My parents didn't come home and rushed to their house immediately. The came here sometime back, had dinner an left again. My mother would be staying there in the night. We had to get dinner from outside.
Sometimes it becomes necessary that we have people we can share even the smallest thing we have pressed in our hearts. I have mentioned the importance of having such people in our lives already. And I say it again. I find myself as the luckiest (if at all there is something called as luck) person I know. Allah has blessed me with such people. I don't know how to thank Him for that. I do not know how to thank these people for that. I guess having tears in eyes while writing this is enough to show how much I mean it.
But I fear losing them. I fear that someday everybody will take their own ways and I will be alone. Who knows if I will find more of such kind of people in the future. All I can do is pray and also pray that these prayers are accepted!
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
Read it. Please
A few minutes back I finished adding names and title to the photographs I have posted a few days back on a blog. It took me more than 30 minutes to make the additions. There are 50 pics posted.
I came home a little before 5 pm today and took a nap. Before that I had the lunch I had taken to college. At 8:50 pm I went to the gym. I had to work out for my lats. It was tiring. I missed one exercise as the machine was too busy with other people.
It was a fine day today - no ups, no downs. Simple and lovely. I had some time with freinds but one of them was missing. He wasn't there to bug us! Tomorrow I will be having the college at 10 am and I am thinking of bunking the lab in the morning. But I will go to the college on regular time.
I had 'nahaari' today in dinner. It was cooked at my grandmother's place. We still have our 'things' in the freezer. Mother will cook them when she gets time. I had 'gaajar ka halwa' today again.
I came home a little before 5 pm today and took a nap. Before that I had the lunch I had taken to college. At 8:50 pm I went to the gym. I had to work out for my lats. It was tiring. I missed one exercise as the machine was too busy with other people.
It was a fine day today - no ups, no downs. Simple and lovely. I had some time with freinds but one of them was missing. He wasn't there to bug us! Tomorrow I will be having the college at 10 am and I am thinking of bunking the lab in the morning. But I will go to the college on regular time.
I had 'nahaari' today in dinner. It was cooked at my grandmother's place. We still have our 'things' in the freezer. Mother will cook them when she gets time. I had 'gaajar ka halwa' today again.
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
Too shy to ask, too proud to lose
Just some time my uncle, with whom my father works, came to meet us along with aunt. We already met them for Ied yesterday at their residence. We had a nice chat today. Even a few of my father's friends were here. A teacher from his school too paid a visit. After they all left, I felt that I got some news good enough to put on our family blog, and I did it.
Today I did go to the college. There was only one class in the morning which I wantedly skipped as I was late. There were no classes after that. Nice for those who didn't turn up today. Bad for those who did. So, we played cricket - we were 12 people. I got to bat, bowl and of course, field. I mention this because the last time played I only had to field.
While playing cricket I hurt myself. While fielding I closer to the fast moving ball to take a catch. The ball was too low and when I brought my hands in font of it, it hit me hard on the middle finger of my right hand. It was enough to hurt my nerve that my hand is now aching upto my shoulder. The pain is more at the finger, elbow and the top of my shoulder. I even couldn't lift any extra weight when I went to the gym today... :D
Yesterday my father asked me to get ready at 9 in the morning. I did. He asked me to drive the car. I did. He asked me to have the breakfast at a cousins house, when we went to meet him just after the prayers, without even meeting my mother first. I did. He asked me to cut ("Zubaa") the 2 sheep. I did. He asked me to sit with the butcher and supervise. I did. He asked me to have the lunch with him when we had some guests. I did. For all this I said a 'yes' and then agreed. In the evening he asked me to give a dusting the car. I showed a "ugh" face. I didn't say a 'yes'. But I did!!!
All this was just to show how much I don't like cleaning the car. It looks weired to me. Some months back I used to enjoy. But now it looks different. I dirties my clothes. As we park the car outside everybody stares at me while passing by. And further more, I feel that sometimes even my brother should do it.
Yesterday I had 4 different sweets when I went out to meet my relatives in the evening. Of course I know, many people might have had more! the first one 'Sheer Khorma' was a tome itself. It was not like what my mother prepares usually. She said that the 'pheni' was not nice.
The second was at my mother's aunt's house. It was 'Gaajar Ka Halwa'. The third was at my grandparents' house - 'Chaanwal Ki Kheer'. The fourth was at my uncle house (the one who visited my hose today). It was 'Khubbani Ka Meetha' along with custard on it. In between, at an aunt's (my father's elder sister) house, I had another dose of 'Gaaja Ka Halwa; but it was a little different from the previous one - I think it had some milk product in it. It was nice.
The night before yesterday's I slept at 3 am. I was uploading some pics taken during my sister's marriage functions on a blog. I first had to select some from around 250 pics. Then I had to edit them - also enhance them a little. Then came the uploading part. It was boring. After adding 50 pics on the blog, blogger.com refused to work. My account was getting logged out. Then I learnt that I was exceeding some limit blogger.com has already set. It is either that it won't allow anything more than 8 MB to exist on a single blog, or it doesn't allow more than 50 pics to on one blog. I still need to clarify.
The days are going fine. It's amazing how things work themselves out towards goodness. It's all Allah's wish. I am fine and happy.
Since Sunday I have been having a lot of chocolate! It was all Dairy Milk on Saturday and Sunday. Yesterday night and today it was some chocolates from Kyrgyzstan - full of nuts. Then today some Hershey's. The Kyrgyzstan are still there in the refrigerator!
I have already stopped reviewing my posts on this blog before publishing them. The browser I am using while writing, Mozilla Firefox, takes care of the spellings. I use IE 7 for other browsing and usage.
Today I did go to the college. There was only one class in the morning which I wantedly skipped as I was late. There were no classes after that. Nice for those who didn't turn up today. Bad for those who did. So, we played cricket - we were 12 people. I got to bat, bowl and of course, field. I mention this because the last time played I only had to field.
While playing cricket I hurt myself. While fielding I closer to the fast moving ball to take a catch. The ball was too low and when I brought my hands in font of it, it hit me hard on the middle finger of my right hand. It was enough to hurt my nerve that my hand is now aching upto my shoulder. The pain is more at the finger, elbow and the top of my shoulder. I even couldn't lift any extra weight when I went to the gym today... :D
Yesterday my father asked me to get ready at 9 in the morning. I did. He asked me to drive the car. I did. He asked me to have the breakfast at a cousins house, when we went to meet him just after the prayers, without even meeting my mother first. I did. He asked me to cut ("Zubaa") the 2 sheep. I did. He asked me to sit with the butcher and supervise. I did. He asked me to have the lunch with him when we had some guests. I did. For all this I said a 'yes' and then agreed. In the evening he asked me to give a dusting the car. I showed a "ugh" face. I didn't say a 'yes'. But I did!!!
All this was just to show how much I don't like cleaning the car. It looks weired to me. Some months back I used to enjoy. But now it looks different. I dirties my clothes. As we park the car outside everybody stares at me while passing by. And further more, I feel that sometimes even my brother should do it.
Yesterday I had 4 different sweets when I went out to meet my relatives in the evening. Of course I know, many people might have had more! the first one 'Sheer Khorma' was a tome itself. It was not like what my mother prepares usually. She said that the 'pheni' was not nice.
The second was at my mother's aunt's house. It was 'Gaajar Ka Halwa'. The third was at my grandparents' house - 'Chaanwal Ki Kheer'. The fourth was at my uncle house (the one who visited my hose today). It was 'Khubbani Ka Meetha' along with custard on it. In between, at an aunt's (my father's elder sister) house, I had another dose of 'Gaaja Ka Halwa; but it was a little different from the previous one - I think it had some milk product in it. It was nice.
The night before yesterday's I slept at 3 am. I was uploading some pics taken during my sister's marriage functions on a blog. I first had to select some from around 250 pics. Then I had to edit them - also enhance them a little. Then came the uploading part. It was boring. After adding 50 pics on the blog, blogger.com refused to work. My account was getting logged out. Then I learnt that I was exceeding some limit blogger.com has already set. It is either that it won't allow anything more than 8 MB to exist on a single blog, or it doesn't allow more than 50 pics to on one blog. I still need to clarify.
The days are going fine. It's amazing how things work themselves out towards goodness. It's all Allah's wish. I am fine and happy.
Since Sunday I have been having a lot of chocolate! It was all Dairy Milk on Saturday and Sunday. Yesterday night and today it was some chocolates from Kyrgyzstan - full of nuts. Then today some Hershey's. The Kyrgyzstan are still there in the refrigerator!
I have already stopped reviewing my posts on this blog before publishing them. The browser I am using while writing, Mozilla Firefox, takes care of the spellings. I use IE 7 for other browsing and usage.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Like a dream come true ... but still a dream!
Yesterday night I was too flimsy to write anything. I had been to the college in the morning just to find that we had only one class to attend. I was in the college till 1:35 pm and left for my grandparents' house and was there till 5:40 pm. Then I had my class at CL.
My classmates were playing cricket and they asked me if I would join them. I wanted to play but I knew that it would make me tired and I had a long day ahead to be out. If I had played, I would have to wait in the college till 6 pm which, I felt, was foolishness. So, I left the college.
At CL I had analytical reasoning class. It was perhaps the most difficult of all the classes I have attended till date. We did detailed analysis of 3 problems and we were taught how to create charts and tables out of the raw and incomplete data given for any particular abstract.
Today I had english usage class. We worked on vocabulary building and had to form sentences out of given words too. I do not know if I should mention this or not, but I felt a little kiddish when the instructor put a 'good' for the sentences I formed. We were given a list of 20 word pairs and the 2 words in each of these pairs looked similar but had different meanings - we had to form sentences using each of these pairs in a single sentence. The class was a bit lengthy.
After coming home I didn't do anything but eating and sleeping. In the evening my father asked me to come with him to buy the sheep for tomorrow's Ied-Uz-Zuha. I refused: I didn't feel like going out into that stinky and dirty atmosphere. I was forced even by my mother but I kept myself home. My mother and brother went with him.
They bought 2 sheep - one each for oneselves. A few days back my mother was telling that she would be sending of her sheep to some orphanage but she didn't. I didn't even know how many we were going to buy. I didn't ask my parents anything - even if we were going to have anything tomorrow. I know nothing of anything except that I have to perform the wajib prayers tomorrow morning. I don't wish to know anything much.
Since the time I remember, I have been going along with my father every year to buy sheep. This is for the first time that I didn't go. I even wanted to break it. I did. I didn't do anything staying home - just made a visit to the chemist near by; had to get my mother's monthly medicines.
I don't feel like meeting anybody. I know people will come to my house tomorrow. We will be going outside in the evening - all as a formality. It would be a tortuous. I will learn to sustain. But things are becoming better day by day.
If i consider the Islamic Hijri calender, exactly one year back, this day I did something I will carry for long. The night after that day was miserable - I had a chat with a friend and I cried. The next few days were terrible. I was expecting the worst thing of my life. But nothing happened. But I had wanted something t happen - for good or bad - but it could have ended a few things and could have made the coming days better in someway!!!
Everybody seems to enjoy this thing called as 'New Year'. I do not understand what makes them so excited about it. The calender for me, this english one, is nothing more than just and index or a reference kind of thing. I do not know who originated it and when. But when I say this, I understand that it's my birthday too that I celebrate taking this calender into consideration - I just need an excuse to celebrate. And I celebrated. It was my birthday - new year has nothing to do with me.
My father has been invited by his friend to a party and my father is going there. Even my father needs an excuse. I won't talk to him on this. I have my own beliefs and my own ideas. Everyone has his/her own. I neither respect this time nor do I quibble about it.
All these months I have been told a lot about having close friends and people with whom I can share things - mostly through comments on my blogs. I have been advised - I thank those people for everything. But I can't trust anybody to extent that I can share everything within me.
I can never have a person called as best friend. The reasons are simply - every person has his or her own life and every person moves on - nobody if going to stay for me. At sometime the person may even share my things with others - every person will have priorities and their own very important people who would be more important to them than me. Its perfectly normal this way and I accept it happily. Even I may be that way.
I have already trusted some people - some friends and cousins. I have told them a lot about me. I have shared with them what I felt like, and to the point I am comfortable with. I have a few people to whom I have told a few things I never ever imagined that I would put them into words.
Sometimes I have kept no difference between a probable person who could ever be the most important person to me and these people with whom I have confided in- for some instance of time. I am too happy with the way these people have treated me in return. I thank all of them. I hold different perceptions, ideas and emotions towards each of them. Should anybody need me, I will give my best to be there. InshAllah.
I feel inferior to some people. Basically because I feel that they are more intelligent than me and that I can trust them. I like taking advices from them - I easily digest any criticism they put on me.
I somehow feel that I am becoming a difficult person day by day. Perhaps I have become a little casual towards the way I am treating people. Perhaps now I even have people who would be hating me - I do not know. I may be wrong but it can always be the other way around.
I also feel that I was a bit rude in the last few days; I have spoken things without thinking anything - leave alone the possible results of my rudeness. I hope nothing has changed with that. I hope no person has changed his/her view toward me because of a different attitude I have shown. I intend to correct myself - only that I must realize things properly.
My classmates were playing cricket and they asked me if I would join them. I wanted to play but I knew that it would make me tired and I had a long day ahead to be out. If I had played, I would have to wait in the college till 6 pm which, I felt, was foolishness. So, I left the college.
At CL I had analytical reasoning class. It was perhaps the most difficult of all the classes I have attended till date. We did detailed analysis of 3 problems and we were taught how to create charts and tables out of the raw and incomplete data given for any particular abstract.
Today I had english usage class. We worked on vocabulary building and had to form sentences out of given words too. I do not know if I should mention this or not, but I felt a little kiddish when the instructor put a 'good' for the sentences I formed. We were given a list of 20 word pairs and the 2 words in each of these pairs looked similar but had different meanings - we had to form sentences using each of these pairs in a single sentence. The class was a bit lengthy.
After coming home I didn't do anything but eating and sleeping. In the evening my father asked me to come with him to buy the sheep for tomorrow's Ied-Uz-Zuha. I refused: I didn't feel like going out into that stinky and dirty atmosphere. I was forced even by my mother but I kept myself home. My mother and brother went with him.
They bought 2 sheep - one each for oneselves. A few days back my mother was telling that she would be sending of her sheep to some orphanage but she didn't. I didn't even know how many we were going to buy. I didn't ask my parents anything - even if we were going to have anything tomorrow. I know nothing of anything except that I have to perform the wajib prayers tomorrow morning. I don't wish to know anything much.
Since the time I remember, I have been going along with my father every year to buy sheep. This is for the first time that I didn't go. I even wanted to break it. I did. I didn't do anything staying home - just made a visit to the chemist near by; had to get my mother's monthly medicines.
I don't feel like meeting anybody. I know people will come to my house tomorrow. We will be going outside in the evening - all as a formality. It would be a tortuous. I will learn to sustain. But things are becoming better day by day.
If i consider the Islamic Hijri calender, exactly one year back, this day I did something I will carry for long. The night after that day was miserable - I had a chat with a friend and I cried. The next few days were terrible. I was expecting the worst thing of my life. But nothing happened. But I had wanted something t happen - for good or bad - but it could have ended a few things and could have made the coming days better in someway!!!
Everybody seems to enjoy this thing called as 'New Year'. I do not understand what makes them so excited about it. The calender for me, this english one, is nothing more than just and index or a reference kind of thing. I do not know who originated it and when. But when I say this, I understand that it's my birthday too that I celebrate taking this calender into consideration - I just need an excuse to celebrate. And I celebrated. It was my birthday - new year has nothing to do with me.
My father has been invited by his friend to a party and my father is going there. Even my father needs an excuse. I won't talk to him on this. I have my own beliefs and my own ideas. Everyone has his/her own. I neither respect this time nor do I quibble about it.
All these months I have been told a lot about having close friends and people with whom I can share things - mostly through comments on my blogs. I have been advised - I thank those people for everything. But I can't trust anybody to extent that I can share everything within me.
I can never have a person called as best friend. The reasons are simply - every person has his or her own life and every person moves on - nobody if going to stay for me. At sometime the person may even share my things with others - every person will have priorities and their own very important people who would be more important to them than me. Its perfectly normal this way and I accept it happily. Even I may be that way.
I have already trusted some people - some friends and cousins. I have told them a lot about me. I have shared with them what I felt like, and to the point I am comfortable with. I have a few people to whom I have told a few things I never ever imagined that I would put them into words.
Sometimes I have kept no difference between a probable person who could ever be the most important person to me and these people with whom I have confided in- for some instance of time. I am too happy with the way these people have treated me in return. I thank all of them. I hold different perceptions, ideas and emotions towards each of them. Should anybody need me, I will give my best to be there. InshAllah.
I feel inferior to some people. Basically because I feel that they are more intelligent than me and that I can trust them. I like taking advices from them - I easily digest any criticism they put on me.
I somehow feel that I am becoming a difficult person day by day. Perhaps I have become a little casual towards the way I am treating people. Perhaps now I even have people who would be hating me - I do not know. I may be wrong but it can always be the other way around.
I also feel that I was a bit rude in the last few days; I have spoken things without thinking anything - leave alone the possible results of my rudeness. I hope nothing has changed with that. I hope no person has changed his/her view toward me because of a different attitude I have shown. I intend to correct myself - only that I must realize things properly.
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