Till yesterday afternoon there was some problem with my internet connection here. It was supposed to get renewed by itself 3 days back itself but I don't know why they made me call and ask for it. I thought of updating the blog then itself but didn't feel like writing.
On 20th my mother is leaving for Cochin for some official work. It will take her 5 days before she is back. It will be a tough time for me with even my exams going on. Her presence is like a moral support to me always. My father and I will have to manage the cooking a and several other things.
My exam on Tuesday was fine. I had prepared for almost all the questions that appeared in the question paper. My writing didn't go well. So, it all depends on the examiner. The day before the exam I was with 2 of my friends and we studied together. There was a lot of talking too and it went on up till 1 am. Even yesterday I had my friends with me. 5 of them. We even went out and got grilled chicken for ourselves to eat. We were together till 2 am. We did study but there was more of other things.
Today, I still have to start my preparations. From the 5 units I have already been through 2 of them. I have to give some final readings. The other 3 are staring at me. I will do everything, inshAllah.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Molded in silver, decorated with gold, and given life
I studied for quite some time today. But it was just a reading kind of thing I gave to some chapters (units). I still have a long way to go. The first of the exams starts at 10 am on Tuesday.
It was a quiet day today. I didn't talk much to anybody. Everybody was calm and silent as well. It was only my brother who went out to play and was jumping everywhere. I felt alone for all the time. It was as if there was nothing to do even though I had so much to study. Somehow, I am fine enough to write an update for today.
Today was (is) one of my very good friend's birthday. We couldn't celebrate it today but we hope to have something later. InshAllah. All I could do was call him and wish him.
I have always believed that everything - being happy, being sad, everything - was dependent on me. Today I understood that it takes more than me. I won't be writing much on this today but all I can say is that I learnt something I wish I never had come to know about.
My mood is on a swing actually.
It was a quiet day today. I didn't talk much to anybody. Everybody was calm and silent as well. It was only my brother who went out to play and was jumping everywhere. I felt alone for all the time. It was as if there was nothing to do even though I had so much to study. Somehow, I am fine enough to write an update for today.
Today was (is) one of my very good friend's birthday. We couldn't celebrate it today but we hope to have something later. InshAllah. All I could do was call him and wish him.
I have always believed that everything - being happy, being sad, everything - was dependent on me. Today I understood that it takes more than me. I won't be writing much on this today but all I can say is that I learnt something I wish I never had come to know about.
My mood is on a swing actually.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Of Hijab, Burqa and Scarf
My father woke me up at 11:15 am and asked me to clean the car. I just gave a small dusting and he left. He had to get a routine servicing done to the vehicle. At the authorized service center there were too many cars so he just got some new engine oil filled and changed one of the old headlamps at a local garage.
We had to attend a marriage function in the evening. It was the marriage of a distant relative's daughter. The bride's father also happens to be a good friend of my father and also my uncle. There I got to meet my cousins and we spoke about how we are going to enjoy our cousin sister's wedding in December.
After my father left, I slept for some more time. But before that I switched on my computer, spent some time there and slept. The night before, I had a very disturbed sleep. I had to somehow make myself fresh. I find sleep as the biggest problem. My mind works the best in the nights. There are several things that could be done only during the day time - things like meeting people and going out. But sleep comes in between all this. I find no time but still I have to sacrifice other things. Today I wanted to reach my grandmother's house early and study for sometime. I could reach only at 3:30 pm. Already my aunt and cousin sister had arrived and I couldn't study. There was a lot of disturbance. I was angry with myself ... my sleep actually.
I have been taking coffee daily. This is even effecting my weight. Coffee reduces appetite. But I take it because I like it and to beat sleep. The second reason is the chief reason. And even the coming winter is a threat to me - it makes me sleep more. I don't feel like getting out of the blanket!
My cousin sister is in engineering 1st year at Shaadan College, Khairtabad. She was telling me about her college and the things she has been studying, liking and not liking! I told her the things I have seen or felt throughout my time in engineering. She said she is studying daily after coming home. I found it the best thing she is doing. The timings of her college are unusual - 7:30 am to 1:30 pm. She likes them. Then just before leaving I had a debate kind of thing with my 2 aunts and mother. The topic was 'girls wearing scarfs and burqa'. I was 'for'. Though they were not against it but there was something they were not liking and were not ready to accept it. I can say I won but it is my religion that won. I had the rules by my side.
The debate started when when my aunt told me about a 2nd cousin of mine who was asked to were a 'burqa' by her neighbor. She had replied 'I wear clothes that cover my body completely so why should I wear it?' She is from my college studying in 1st year. Even my sister doesn't wear a scarf so indirectly I wanted to tell her that she has to wear it. I am sure she got my point.
They all still seem to have a doubt with what 'hijaab' means. To be frank even I don't know the exact meaning but very soon I will find it out and let them know. And I will also let them know about the punishments they may face if they avoid it and also the ones they will see if they deny the truth. I will keep everything as polite as possible but I will get to them my word. My sister has got the best of education and I am sure she will understand the things and take my words and my intention positively. What I am trying to do is for her good. I don't care what other girls (strangers to me) do. She is my sister and she needs to do the things right.
My youngest aunt (my mother's youngest sister) was telling me about an incident where my uncle was standing somewhere with his friend when some girl in a 'burqa' and scarf winked her eye at my uncle's friend. My immediate response was 'why were they looking at the girl?' My mother prompted 'boys are like this!' I continued 'and that's the reason it is necessary that girls wear scarf and 'burqa'.
Sometime later my mother said that I have grown up now. I was expecting something like this especially after that night when I spoke to both my parents about me and told them several things - of course about me.
We had to attend a marriage function in the evening. It was the marriage of a distant relative's daughter. The bride's father also happens to be a good friend of my father and also my uncle. There I got to meet my cousins and we spoke about how we are going to enjoy our cousin sister's wedding in December.
After my father left, I slept for some more time. But before that I switched on my computer, spent some time there and slept. The night before, I had a very disturbed sleep. I had to somehow make myself fresh. I find sleep as the biggest problem. My mind works the best in the nights. There are several things that could be done only during the day time - things like meeting people and going out. But sleep comes in between all this. I find no time but still I have to sacrifice other things. Today I wanted to reach my grandmother's house early and study for sometime. I could reach only at 3:30 pm. Already my aunt and cousin sister had arrived and I couldn't study. There was a lot of disturbance. I was angry with myself ... my sleep actually.
I have been taking coffee daily. This is even effecting my weight. Coffee reduces appetite. But I take it because I like it and to beat sleep. The second reason is the chief reason. And even the coming winter is a threat to me - it makes me sleep more. I don't feel like getting out of the blanket!
My cousin sister is in engineering 1st year at Shaadan College, Khairtabad. She was telling me about her college and the things she has been studying, liking and not liking! I told her the things I have seen or felt throughout my time in engineering. She said she is studying daily after coming home. I found it the best thing she is doing. The timings of her college are unusual - 7:30 am to 1:30 pm. She likes them. Then just before leaving I had a debate kind of thing with my 2 aunts and mother. The topic was 'girls wearing scarfs and burqa'. I was 'for'. Though they were not against it but there was something they were not liking and were not ready to accept it. I can say I won but it is my religion that won. I had the rules by my side.
The debate started when when my aunt told me about a 2nd cousin of mine who was asked to were a 'burqa' by her neighbor. She had replied 'I wear clothes that cover my body completely so why should I wear it?' She is from my college studying in 1st year. Even my sister doesn't wear a scarf so indirectly I wanted to tell her that she has to wear it. I am sure she got my point.
They all still seem to have a doubt with what 'hijaab' means. To be frank even I don't know the exact meaning but very soon I will find it out and let them know. And I will also let them know about the punishments they may face if they avoid it and also the ones they will see if they deny the truth. I will keep everything as polite as possible but I will get to them my word. My sister has got the best of education and I am sure she will understand the things and take my words and my intention positively. What I am trying to do is for her good. I don't care what other girls (strangers to me) do. She is my sister and she needs to do the things right.
My youngest aunt (my mother's youngest sister) was telling me about an incident where my uncle was standing somewhere with his friend when some girl in a 'burqa' and scarf winked her eye at my uncle's friend. My immediate response was 'why were they looking at the girl?' My mother prompted 'boys are like this!' I continued 'and that's the reason it is necessary that girls wear scarf and 'burqa'.
Sometime later my mother said that I have grown up now. I was expecting something like this especially after that night when I spoke to both my parents about me and told them several things - of course about me.
Friday, November 10, 2006
I wish I could write a name here
I got my hall ticket today and it was a relief to know that I will be writing the exams at Vasavi College and not MVSR. MVSR is around 30 kilometers from my house and it would have been a tiring task for me if I had to go there for those 5 days.
I was in the college till 3 pm and we did absolutely nothing. I reached home, had some snacks and slept only to wake up at 7 pm. Yesterday night I didn't have a good sleep. There was some function going on in the neighborhood; there was a lot of disturbance.
Today my mother came home late. At 8:15 pm. She was late by 45 minutes considering the expected time. She cooked something as fast as she could. But it was very tasty - 'khidchi' and 'tamatey ki chatni'. We also had 'papad' and 'andey ka cheela' with that! I had more than 2 eggs since morning today! I intend to continue this.
Tomorrow, Saturday, I will be going to my grandparents' house again. I will also finish some studying I had planned. InshAllah.
I was in the college till 3 pm and we did absolutely nothing. I reached home, had some snacks and slept only to wake up at 7 pm. Yesterday night I didn't have a good sleep. There was some function going on in the neighborhood; there was a lot of disturbance.
Today my mother came home late. At 8:15 pm. She was late by 45 minutes considering the expected time. She cooked something as fast as she could. But it was very tasty - 'khidchi' and 'tamatey ki chatni'. We also had 'papad' and 'andey ka cheela' with that! I had more than 2 eggs since morning today! I intend to continue this.
Tomorrow, Saturday, I will be going to my grandparents' house again. I will also finish some studying I had planned. InshAllah.
Thursday, November 9, 2006
Thursday
I came back home at 7 pm. I had been to my grandparents' house. It was a day well spent. I studied for sometime and it was more than just happiness; it was satisfaction. I ate a lot of things too. My aunt and my grandmother gave me so many snacks that I had to have my lunch at 5:30 pm. Even that was heavy.
My grandfather was very quiet today. I don't know why but he was some sort of depressed. He was too soft with his talk and everything he said was very touching. I am used to seeing him shouting and angry, and I like him that way. I felt very bad today. I pray to Allah that my grandfather always remains happy. I beg Allah for his long life. My grandfather's heart is working at a mere 28% functionality. He can't be operated for anything as he is too old and weak. So, there can be no pacemaker.
Today I had a wonderful chat with my sister. The best part was that ... aa, there were many best parts actually! She will be here shortly and of course we have the big thing in December. I am waiting for all that.
My grandfather was very quiet today. I don't know why but he was some sort of depressed. He was too soft with his talk and everything he said was very touching. I am used to seeing him shouting and angry, and I like him that way. I felt very bad today. I pray to Allah that my grandfather always remains happy. I beg Allah for his long life. My grandfather's heart is working at a mere 28% functionality. He can't be operated for anything as he is too old and weak. So, there can be no pacemaker.
Today I had a wonderful chat with my sister. The best part was that ... aa, there were many best parts actually! She will be here shortly and of course we have the big thing in December. I am waiting for all that.
Wednesday, November 8, 2006
More Pristine ... But I am hiding something!
Today I wrote another poem for Gridlocked. This time I liked it myself. I just did it. When I first thought of writing I didn't know what I was going to write. I had a head ache and still I continued and I got this thing. I have named it as 'My Moon'. I think it suits it ... still it should make no difference.
Today I had decided that I won't turn onthe computer unless I study for sometime. I did study but it was for a very short time. But I am somehow happy that I had started, but I am not satisfied. The poem still remains the best thing I did today. Tomorrow I will most probably be going to my grandparents' house and there I will try to study for a longer period of time. I don't know why I have lost the worry of getting less marks. My mother worries more than me.
It was still a fine day even though I did nothing much. I was feeling satisfied with other things but now I find my heart beat a little faster. This happens sometimes - with no reason I can understand. I have once read in some book the method to handle a problem - accept that you have a problem, try to find a solution by analysing it, and don't thing of the problem while implementing the solution. Here, for me, now, I don't even know if I have a problem..... I know I am a bit crazy now. Things are not clear!
Today in the evening I filled the drinking water. It was raining and I still had to do it. My mother had asked for it 2 days back and I forgot. If I had forgotten it even today, then I would have got the work of purchasing drinking water from some store. That is something I don't like doing. ... There was a lot of problem with filling today. I had to hold the umbrella between my shoulder and neck and use my hands. It was tiring.
Today I had decided that I won't turn onthe computer unless I study for sometime. I did study but it was for a very short time. But I am somehow happy that I had started, but I am not satisfied. The poem still remains the best thing I did today. Tomorrow I will most probably be going to my grandparents' house and there I will try to study for a longer period of time. I don't know why I have lost the worry of getting less marks. My mother worries more than me.
It was still a fine day even though I did nothing much. I was feeling satisfied with other things but now I find my heart beat a little faster. This happens sometimes - with no reason I can understand. I have once read in some book the method to handle a problem - accept that you have a problem, try to find a solution by analysing it, and don't thing of the problem while implementing the solution. Here, for me, now, I don't even know if I have a problem..... I know I am a bit crazy now. Things are not clear!
Today in the evening I filled the drinking water. It was raining and I still had to do it. My mother had asked for it 2 days back and I forgot. If I had forgotten it even today, then I would have got the work of purchasing drinking water from some store. That is something I don't like doing. ... There was a lot of problem with filling today. I had to hold the umbrella between my shoulder and neck and use my hands. It was tiring.
Tuesday, November 7, 2006
Pristine feelings
Yesterday I didn't update; I was lazy enough to type nothing even when I was chatting with my friends. I didn't do anything today. Woke up early - at 9:40 am :D, had my break fast - a very lite one, and slept again. Evening was a bit fine as I did some household works and washed my clothes. I still have a lot many clothes to wash.
My friend who was asking me to come to the college himself didn't go. If I had agreed with him and gone to the college, perhaps I would have lost my head. Alhamdulillah everything is fine :) . I hope everything remains fine everytime ... he is my friend and no matter how much he bugs or troubles me, he will remain my friend. But if I behave with him the way he does with me, I am sure he would like to stay away from me. I won't let him do that either!
The last time he stopped talking to me for a few days I was a bit upset and was feeling bad until another friend told me "he is not your girlfriend that you should feel bad if he doesn't talk to you". I am probably too sentimental when people get angry with me or stop talking to me. This never happens actually; this was the first time and it was with him. InshAllah it will remain as the last time too. I hope he reads this post!!!
My cousin sister had created a profile on orkut a few days back. She has deleted it now. She was getting a lot of crap in her scrap book. She was already warned by my elder cousin brother that orkut was not a good place. She came, she saw it, and she went! I felt bad when I saw that she was no more on orkut, but later when I thought about it, I felt proud that she left!
There as only one scrap she wrote to me. She did it because I had written a testimonial for her. In her scrap she praised me. I like being praised; of course, like everybody. But I try not to believe whenever I hear anything nice about me. If I believe, then I will probably stop doing everything I do to become nice!
In the same scrap she said that I cherish every moment I spend with my loved ones. I realized it only after she said that. She was right. That's probably the reason I say things like "I enjoyed being with my friends today", "it was a fine day with friends", "I had a great time with my friends today". Yes, I cherish every second I spend with people around me, with life around me!
My friend who was asking me to come to the college himself didn't go. If I had agreed with him and gone to the college, perhaps I would have lost my head. Alhamdulillah everything is fine :) . I hope everything remains fine everytime ... he is my friend and no matter how much he bugs or troubles me, he will remain my friend. But if I behave with him the way he does with me, I am sure he would like to stay away from me. I won't let him do that either!
The last time he stopped talking to me for a few days I was a bit upset and was feeling bad until another friend told me "he is not your girlfriend that you should feel bad if he doesn't talk to you". I am probably too sentimental when people get angry with me or stop talking to me. This never happens actually; this was the first time and it was with him. InshAllah it will remain as the last time too. I hope he reads this post!!!
My cousin sister had created a profile on orkut a few days back. She has deleted it now. She was getting a lot of crap in her scrap book. She was already warned by my elder cousin brother that orkut was not a good place. She came, she saw it, and she went! I felt bad when I saw that she was no more on orkut, but later when I thought about it, I felt proud that she left!
There as only one scrap she wrote to me. She did it because I had written a testimonial for her. In her scrap she praised me. I like being praised; of course, like everybody. But I try not to believe whenever I hear anything nice about me. If I believe, then I will probably stop doing everything I do to become nice!
In the same scrap she said that I cherish every moment I spend with my loved ones. I realized it only after she said that. She was right. That's probably the reason I say things like "I enjoyed being with my friends today", "it was a fine day with friends", "I had a great time with my friends today". Yes, I cherish every second I spend with people around me, with life around me!
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