Isolation is not good

When I couldn't sleep yesterday night I didn't know I was going to sleep for 5 continous hours during the day time. The day today went past my eyes in a whicker and I am stillwondering if everything in my life will move away even without me having a notice on it. I had a heavy dinner today and I suppose I need to do this everytime I have a meal. My weight is on the fall and I must take of it before it takes me out.

I met my aunt, uncle and cousines today after a year. Later we dropped them totheir appartment for them to have some rest. They had not slept for more than 24 hours. We shall meet again once they have their house right and up.

As I have once mentioned, I had a detailed talk with my uncle, my father's elder brother, on Saturday. He narrated me an experience of his own which I would like to put here. I am giving it as the words spoken by him, though not exactly. I won't further explain what this teaches to me considering the incidence itself to be self-explanatory -

"When I was in my 10th standard I had dreamt of having a car for myself in the future. I wanted a red car with white interiors and a kind that makes people turn and have a look at."

"I used to narrate my dream with my friends. A few of them were from villages and they were her for their studies. They would praise my dream and even ridicule it. May they made more fun of it behind my back. But there was one guy who got serious and told me that he would be the one who would design my dream car. This way our dreams were shared and joined. But hte future had soemthing else for us in store."

"After completing my education I went to France. I was ther for a few months and started working in a company in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. I had a friend to whom I asked to have a look out on American cars available in Riyadh that are being sold second-hand. He yeled at me stating that American cars in Saudi Arabia are a rarity and their cost of maintenance would be a good slice of my monthly salary. These were the days when there were only Japaneese cars in Saudi. I still insisted him for an American model."

"One day he called me once. He said his company has an American model which will has t be sold. I was being used only once in a year when a few American dignitaries come to Riyadh and it was useless during the other time of the year. So, the company has decided to sell it away."

"That day I took a friend with me to have a look at the car. This particular has a fair good knowledge about cars. When we saw the car in its garage, it was covered in a thick sheet of dust. My friend checked the car thoroughly and declared that it can me a good buy. He said the broad radial wheels were very old and we can replacethem after a run of a few kilometers. The engine was perfect. I immidiately paid the cash and brought the car home in the condition."

"I still had to get it cleaned but before that I took a few drives in it with my brother living in Riyadh. Then I gave it for wash. I waited as the car went inside the automated washing system. I waited there for long watch for several other cars coming out from its exit. I even saw a beautiful red car coming out of it. I was still waiting for mine to come."

"After a good amount of time a worker handled me the keys showing me a beautiful car standing in front of me. I thought it was someone else's. But as I realised after a few seconds, I was overwhelmed tofind that it was the same car I had purchased a few hours back."

"It was red in color and has wonderful white interiors. I had forgotten my decade old dream but this marvel standing in front of me reminded me of that dream. All of my friends were scattered with their small visions of making a decent living, but here, I was standing in amazement as I looked at the mchine of my dreams."

"I could drive the car and the speedometer showed 210 kmph. It was a lovely piece of engineering and always caught all eyes on the road as I passed by. All this in a rich country like Saudi Arabia."

I am glad to have an uncle like this. I need not look outside to find inspiration, it is right in my family - a person with whom I share a similar blood.

For several days I have been thinking of an article on dreams. I think I now have the right motivation to get ahead with it.

Today in the evening I was feeling a bit sleepy again. lay on the divan in the living room and was trying for a short nap. The experience was incredible: I would begin to fall asleep - a fraction of a second would seem as something from a different world, something very different, filled with nothing, blankness, and I was awaken by some sound around me. It was like I was floating on something very light for those fractions of time - the time between really getting into sleep and being awake. This usually happens when ther is a ot of disturbance around us or if we are filled with some sort of tension. The reason today for me I suppose was later!

I am thinking of finishing a letter today before sleep - the one I had started a month back. I do not know what I am going to do with it. But I am sure I will try to keep it a confidential one - incredulously.

A few more pages of 'Emotional Intelligence' taught me a few more things today. The book a really informative and the information can well be used to know ourselves better.

Today I spent 'some' time on the internet - finally! I didn't do anything much today, not even stressed myself for anything substantial. I gave a wash to the car and took a short drive but that didn't satisfy my longing to drive a car.

Today I even downloaded a few songs sent to me by my cousin some days back. They were lying in my inbox and I have them now on my computer's hard drive.

When you close your eyes you can see what you want to see

I am just back from a reception party. I had attended the marriage on Thursday. It was the marriage of my second cousin whom I never met. Precisely she also happens to be the dughter of my father's friend who by coincidence became a relative 21 years back. It was on Thursday that I took 'The Da Vinci Code' from my cousin. I had asked him to get the book for me from somewhere and he took it from his friend's sister. So, I had to return the book in a very short time. My memory was telling me that the reception was on Saturday so I gave full commitment to the book and finished it in a very short time. Later I recollected that I could have delayed the finish by another day. But I was happy I could do it so fast. Yesterday night I even packed up with the other book I was reading - 'Becoming A Person Of Influence'.

Next I wanted to read 'Nothing Lasts Forever' by Sydney Sheldon. But the first page I saw in that book was its last page - the epilog. My eyes fell on the sentence - "... Mallory was imprisoned for life...". I was sure I had destoyed all the pssible suspense. I won't read that book now. I started 'Emotional Intelligence'. It is a research work on human psychology and emotions. It is a good book.

I was searching for 'Personality Plus'. Today I had detailed discussions with my uncle at the party on people skills and he shared with me his life experiences - I shall write about them shortly. I enjoyed talking to him and he told me that he will give me 'Personality Plus' shortly.

The last few days I was totally cut off from the world around me. I just had the Holy Grail running in me! I enjoyed the book. I didn;t know I could finishe 489 pages in a little more than 2 days. It was Saturday on which I cou;ldn't continue the book in the morning, I had to wait till 3 pm, I was at a relative's house.

Int he last few days I passed by manythings in my mind but unfortunately I couldn't record them anywhere. I didn't update my blogs and so I missed writing my thoughts. I really felt bad that I had to skip few days of updates.

And by the way I had seen my 2nd year's 2nd semister's results. I got 71.58%. I was happpy seeing that I had passed in a subject I thought would let me down. In fact I got 20 marks more than the passing number. But still I h wished a better % ... I am very happy though. No regrets for what has passed. I have my ;life open in front of me.

Tuesday early morning an aunt of mine is coming to India. She is my father's younger sister and she lives in Mecca. I am desperately waiting to meet her and her family. Its always a month filled with lots of happiness when they are here. Meeting them itself gives me a lot of pleasure. My cousin sister who is 6 years of age has a good rapport with me. I remember last year when I would sit with her and helped her read her story books. She is really a fast learner and she reads words and sentenses which usually the children of her age are not expected to. She is amazing so are her other brothers and sister. My uncle is a fabulous human being.

On Saturday when I was at my grandparents' house reading the novel my cousins were continously with me in the drawing room where I wanted some silence. Once 2 of thm came to me fighting with eachother. One of them asked "am I the height that reaches your shoulder?" He reaches below my elbow when I stand. I was busy and I said "no". Both of them continued their fighting and went away. Then it was the less-than-4-years one. He was continuously playing on the sofa and I seldon paid any attention to him. Every few minutes he would sit on my legs, play with my hair, kiss me and run away. I was deep into the book - I had to return it shortly then!

My cold is still bugging me. I have completed my short course of antibiotics. Though my throat is fine, my nose isn't.

I am currently having a frenc beard. Every who meets me says that I look many years older than I am. I am not paying any attention to this comment but this is just a short time in which I thought of having this style. I have reduced the density of the hair today using the scissors and by the time my colleges start, it will be no more - most probably.

At 11:15 pm today, Saturday, I finished my date with 'The Da Vinci Code' which I had started at 12 midnight on Thursday - between Thursday and Friday. It was a continous rendezvous with the exceptions of deliberate breaks for prayers, meals, sleep, trips to nearby stores, trips to bathroom and a visit to my gransparents' residence. It was deviod of any disturbances through the telephone, the internet and any personal contacts with any outsiders.

Anything mild looks severe when we favor the effect

After a lot of 'yes' and 'no' I come out wiht my post of Flowing Emotions. And this time I am satisfied with what I have written - not like previous ones that had made me feel otherwise. A few days back I had posted a poem too on Gridlocked.

I wanted to write for Flowing Emotions but my cold prevented me from doing it. It was as if my brain was closed. Only one of my nostrils was staying open which was a big discomfort to me. It is a little similar even now but it is better than yesterday. I have been immidiately put on antibiotic medication and that has removed all taste from my tongue. I feel something bad in my mouth now. This will continue till I am done with the capsules.

I took up a big part of 'Becoming a Person of Influence' today. I expect me to complete tomorrow. I will start with the reading of a novel next. I am waiting for my cousin to get 'The Da Vinci Code' to me but if that doesnt happen in a day or two I will start 'Nothing Lasts Forever' by Sidney Sheldon. I have taken it from my aunt and I have to return it. Next (whenever it comes), I will go for 'Emotional Intelligence' by Daniel Goleman. I have read some pages from inbetween this book and things look pretty interesting.

Yesterday my medicines kept me sleeping for most of the time. The medicines for coled are usually mild sedatives. Anything mild looks severe when we favor the effect - here sleeping.

Immature Superhero Entertaining Immature Audience

When I woke up in the morning at 5 am I had a terrible cold. It was not that terrible but something was wrong in my throat and nose. I took a tablet and slept again. When I woke up again at 9:45 am I had to take another tablet. My mother asked me to feed the cold. I knew she was joking with me. I had some hot coffee afterward and ven now I can feel something uncomfortable in my throat. It is not exactly pain but it is irritating.

I had thought of writing for my blog in the early morning. But I guess I will have to wait for that till I am perfectly alright. I can't use put other efforts on myself as long as my throat is taking all of it.

Yesterday night (actually today very early morning) I slept at 2 am. It was nice to see that I slept immidiately after falling in the bed.

Earlier yesterday I had been to a movie. It promised to show me the first superhero if the Indian cinema. I was wondering why that superhero behaved childishly in the first half of the movie. According to me superheroes are supposed to be mature. But he was everything but that. It could have been a box office hit if it was not targetted at children. The worst part was the audience clapping at some of the stunts. Were they clapping at the superhero or his computerised stunts? Don't they know the whole world has seen better things in english movies and thi was just an immitaion of that? But this movie will definitely work, it has everything the 'Indian' audience wants - a hero (this time 'super'), a heroine, some (or many) songs, a vilian, beautiful locations, Singapore, stunts we can laugh at, and a happy ending!

Yesterday I had a very nice chat with my cousin. It was nice talking to him after a long time for a long time. We spoke about various things including my cousin's marriage in July. I was telling him why I don't want to attend any parties but still I am compelled to. He was shocked when I said this but later he too agreed with me and he said even he doesn't like to attend any but this time he willbecause it is our sister getting married. I hope everything goes out smoothly with nobody asking me questiong which I may not be able to answer with integrity.

It's 26ht today and I am left with 13 more holidays. I am glad I will be back there but I feel sorry for all the things I had planned to do but couldn't do. But this was for the first time I can say I didn't waste my days. In comparison to my past vacations, I have done a lot this time. These was probably the last time I had so many holidays, the next year I may be busy preparing or some tests.

Somedays back someone asked me about my plans after engineering. I said I will be persuing post-graduation in business administration - MBA. I was asked back in a manner that looked as though I was a fool in deciding that. I was asked why I won't be doing MS. The reason for this question, as stated by that person, was that this would give me a good job. I gave a small reply. I said I will do MBA beacuse I am interested in doing it.

When the first time I saw a computer when I was in kindergarten, at my mother's office, I had decided that I am going to learn to use it. Later in my 7th standard I decided that I shall do my engineering in Computers. After 2001 I was told by many people many times that computers were 'out'. I didn't listen because I was not for something that was 'in' or 'out' but for something I liked. I had no intentions of making a job out of computers for myself. I was interested in business management too.

I took computer sciences because I liked computers and I wanted to study them, not get a job. I will do MBA because I want to, not get a job. A job is secondary and my interests are primary. In the near future should I get a chance to lear more about journalism and arcitecture, I will do that too. Just to fullfill my interests and not to get a job. Right from my childhood I was told by my parents that I am studying for myself - not for the market (to become it's slave), and not for others' interests.

I waited for more than an hour waiting to get soemthing to write on with the blank screen in front of me. I got nothing. Actually I didn't feel like writing what I thought. So thoughts are really mad and foolish, this feeling was one among them. I will write tomorrow morning when I drive crazyness out of me!