Friday, June 2, 2006
An hour in front of television today
When I left for dinner today at 10 pm, I had all my messengers logged it and were simply set to 'away'. I wanted to be back in 15 mins. But I got carried away. I was watching a comedy with my father for an hour. It was good except for the fact that I am going to write much against this television shortly on one of my blogs.
Today I couldn't beat sleep. When I woke up early, I was happy with it. But soon I found that the thing I was fighting against took me in its arms. I was fighting sleep and I had to sleep again. Today I read around 50 pages of The Fountainhead and I plan to finish the book in the next 4 days. I will do it. I am reading for the first time by keeping the book on a table and sitting erect on a chair. This looks as though I have turned out into an obedient student religiously using his study table in the most proper method. It just looks that way. I am reading a novel.
Today I sat with my mother for sometime. I was reading and she was readnig the newspaper. But she was sitting beside me and she was happy with my calmness - lately she had been saying that I have anger on my nose. I was in deep concern about her complains and I decided to be calm even when she bewilders me. She always complains that I don't allow her to touch me the way my brother does. She says I am still a small child. She was treating me like a child today. Good.
I downloaded the latest version of MSN messenger today. I was expecting it very new. I was not pleased. Did I ever tell how much I use MSN messenger? Well, it is not much of use now but I had hardly used yahoo untill 2 years back. I have more than 25 contacts in MSN and they are in regular contact - all of them my relatives.
It rained a little here. It was less than what I was told about the rains in other parts of the city. I was lying in the living room when I heard something like the falling of water drops. When I saw outside it was raining (obviously - what can I expect then?). I was not expecting the rain with so much light outside. As was I correct - it didn't rain much.
Yesterday I went to bed at 2am. For the past few nights whenever I go to sleep I hope for only one thing that I get fall asleep as soon as I close my eyes and the necessary requirement had been met when I open them again. It looks like a waste of time sleeping. But when I wake up, I don't feel like waking up. May be it is because I am lacking some will power to get out of bed. I will learn it.
Thursday, June 1, 2006
Nothing much here
I, along with a friend, had decided to go to another friend's house but we came to know that he is still out of station. I know nothing how this misunderstanding crop up but it was probably something between 'thursday' and 'tuesday'. So the plan was cancelled.
I woke up at 7:30 am after sleepig at 3 am. It was a short sleep so I compensated it by sleeping for an hour in the afternoon. I didn't want to sleep but I had to.
The rest was as usual except that I wrote a letter. An open one - again. It is not finished yet. I will do it tomorrow.
I woke up at 7:30 am after sleepig at 3 am. It was a short sleep so I compensated it by sleeping for an hour in the afternoon. I didn't want to sleep but I had to.
The rest was as usual except that I wrote a letter. An open one - again. It is not finished yet. I will do it tomorrow.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Its so easy to irritate ppl... but so difficult to please their hearts
# I have a very big ego that drives me. I approve very part of it in a way that helps me to become a better person.
# People desperately want leaders. They want someone who guides them and takes all the responsibility especially of the mistakes they commit.
# It is a very important trait to understand people. It is important to know what they are – to help them, nurture them, enlarge them and make them independent. All this is to connect with them. Understanding people, or the necessity to do so is everywhere – the adverts we see on the television are made in such a way that they please people and this happens when people are understood. This is just a small example. If understanding of people is taken as a crime then I don’t think anybody will have a right to roam around freely. Every person, right from a novelist to an evangelist, will be imprisoned. Just for understanding people.
# People are weak and they do not know what they want unless they see it. No one would have asked for love unless he/she had felt it at least once.
# Having integrity with people is most important, else everything done with them is short lasting and it amounts for manipulation and fraud. It is a sin to manipulate people. # Understanding is a 2 way process. The intention is to connect with them. People can be the biggest achievement or the biggest liability. The 2 way process gets them close to each other and makes them help and use each other in an equal way with integrity.
# To hurt a person is much worse than hurting our self.
# The most beautiful things in the world are the most useless ones. Lilies and peacocks for instant (I remember reading this as a quote somewhere). According to me Dominique Frankon in The Fountainhead too is useless except for her presence I in the story (I say this after reading just the part I have read till now. Its just an understanding).
# Selfishness is a virtue. Its better that people understand its true meaning – dictionaries have it. My blog has a few details on this. I am selfish and I know this is how I should be.
# People hate others usually for reasons unknown to themselves unless the person being hated is really at fault. It is some times because of jealousy. They fail to understand that its not actually hatred but jealousy. I think it is very good to declare openly that we are jealous of any person if we really are. This helps in having integrity with them. (When I say people, I am included in them)
# I shall never cheat a person. Even if I do anything that may hav a slight meaning of cheating him/her, I should make that person aware of it.
So many times I feel like making myself as open as the vast seas so that people know everything about me. Especially the fact that some of them think I manipulate them. I want to be clearer then mirrors. Mirrors are not clear at all - when I look into them I see myself. Every single thing that I hide burns inside me and hurts me more than any physical pain. Its the guilt that makes me uncomfortable.
I wish I could explain everything about me to everyone. I know most of them won’t be interested as they are never expected to be – but I want every person who thinks anything bad about me to know how much it hurts me to find anything bad inside me. But I also know I cant explain things to anyone who is ready to hear it. Language comes between communication. My not-so-good language stops me from being more transparent. I can’t put into words everything I want to say. But if I connect with people at an emotional level, this becomes possible.
To start with, what all I have written in ‘My Perception of My Own Life’ is very much true. What I had written in ‘I Am NOT Mentally Vulnerable’ is a bitter truth. What I had written in ‘My Humble Prayer to My God’ is one thing I shall always continue with. I mean every single part of all that.
I want every person who knows me to read this post but I know this is not going to happen. They won’t be interested. It is so obvious. And I respect them for this. I will be the same if I am in their place. But they will acquire so much interest in any talk about me they may happen to have; about the bad qualities in me. But they will never come to me and tell met that I need to correct myself. Any person who says I have faults openly to me is the person who cares for me. I shall write in detail on all this sometime later when I feel that I have understood enough to make others understand.
I sincerely hope I am not called as a maniac or a psycho for writing these things here (there is more to it actually). This may be madness though. I believe I can achieve nothing until I really get mad at it. All this is just a transition.
The book that will help me with a better understanding of people will be Personality Plus. It will tell how to classify people to understand them. The full name of the book is “Personality Plus: Understanding Others by Understanding Yourself”. SO I hope this name says a lot too. Actually this understanding thing is very important for people involved in network marketing – my uncle (connected to Amways) is into it and I have learnt a lot from him.
And regarding to my writing thing, I now fully understand how important it is to review what I have written. It is necessary that I edit the complete paragraphs until I really want something good. I shall start doing this to all my posts on Flowing Emotions shortly. I am presently after a few books – I have to complete them in a short time.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Ha
Few days back my mother said that I needed a 2nd almairah. She said it was necessary. I didn't knew that. But because she said, I agreed to have a new one. So, I got a new one today - a large double sided one. I won't be sharing any part of this with my brother as I used to do with the previous one which was much bigger.
While getting that thing inside my room, I got my little finger hurt. I bleed a little and there is a dark red clot now. When the wound was very fresh and was aching a lot, I thought it'd continue for long. It didn't. I feel nothing now.
Our tenants made a mess out of themselves today. They had not paid the electricity bill for the last 3 months and as obvious it seems to be, their connection was cut by the department people. These tenants said they had forgotten that they had to pay the bills. The most amusing part was the climax - they went to the department office, paid some money to some people there and got back the connection without paying the bills. I am sure dad is going to look into this matter tomorrow. I will just be a silent spectator.
I am still left with the arranging of my old books. Today I had to move a table on which I was stacking them. The books and papers include the ones from my first year of engineering - more than a year old now. I even have to arrange my clothes. I even have to fix my music system - some screw in the disc loader had come out a few days back and it is working just standing the weight of the CD. I even have some letters to post - there is a post box nearby but it looks like a trash box hanging on the trunk of a huge tree, so I will go somewhere else. I also have to take the print-outs of my last story and change it in a way that looks good to me - polishing I mean. I will complete all of them tomorrow.
Today I cleaned 21Gb of space from my computer. It was amazing to find that the disk cleaning utilty did the major part of it. I am planning of a standard restoration of my computer. There is a built-in feature that automatically formats the hard drive and reinstalls the operating system and also the softwares that were shipped along with the system when I had first bought it. It will erase all the data created by me so I have find out ways to back it up. I hope everything works the way I want it to.
While getting that thing inside my room, I got my little finger hurt. I bleed a little and there is a dark red clot now. When the wound was very fresh and was aching a lot, I thought it'd continue for long. It didn't. I feel nothing now.
Our tenants made a mess out of themselves today. They had not paid the electricity bill for the last 3 months and as obvious it seems to be, their connection was cut by the department people. These tenants said they had forgotten that they had to pay the bills. The most amusing part was the climax - they went to the department office, paid some money to some people there and got back the connection without paying the bills. I am sure dad is going to look into this matter tomorrow. I will just be a silent spectator.
I am still left with the arranging of my old books. Today I had to move a table on which I was stacking them. The books and papers include the ones from my first year of engineering - more than a year old now. I even have to arrange my clothes. I even have to fix my music system - some screw in the disc loader had come out a few days back and it is working just standing the weight of the CD. I even have some letters to post - there is a post box nearby but it looks like a trash box hanging on the trunk of a huge tree, so I will go somewhere else. I also have to take the print-outs of my last story and change it in a way that looks good to me - polishing I mean. I will complete all of them tomorrow.
Today I cleaned 21Gb of space from my computer. It was amazing to find that the disk cleaning utilty did the major part of it. I am planning of a standard restoration of my computer. There is a built-in feature that automatically formats the hard drive and reinstalls the operating system and also the softwares that were shipped along with the system when I had first bought it. It will erase all the data created by me so I have find out ways to back it up. I hope everything works the way I want it to.
Monday, May 29, 2006
The last 2 hours I have spent were making me feel like crying for everything, though I didn't do that till now. It is one of those times when you feel like weeping for everything. Even the things that make you smile otherwise look so innocent that you feel like crying for them. The only reason that they are innocent. Even a simple pen lying on the desk has so many memories attached to it ... I have been using this pen for the past 7 days and it is supposed to have nothing related to it except for some scrap I have written and a few phone numbers, but it seems as thought it has bacome an integral part of my table and I can't live without it. The same is the case with everything I am seeing for the past 2 hours. I know this is temporary and in a few days the pen will be thrown away by none other than me and I am going to laugh at myself for crying for such a stupid thing. Right now I am trying not to think about any kind of past. I always have in mind the options concept so everytime I feel bad about anything I know I am commiting a destruction onto myself..... :D
I woke up at 12 today. It was a sleep that was to be paid in due of what I mortgaged on Sunday night. I had my first meal at 2:45 pm and the second at 7:15 pm. My dinner got over just sometime back.
I have taken this pic because it made me feel something too. I couldn't define that something else I'd have written it.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Could have been better
It was around 3:15 am when I posted the story, 'Humilis and Purpa' on Flowing Emotions. When I read it first after writing I was pretty satisfied with the way I had worked it out but after rereading it in the evening today I felt I missed on several things. The basic element I wanted to do was to make the readers clearly visualise the location of the story. But when I read it I couldn't imagine things for myself. I am satisfied but I guess if I edit it a little then it can be much better.
This was the first time I spent so much time just to plan the story. The first thing I wanted was the right pictures which I didn't get. Though I came out with something close to what I wanted, I'd have prefered something more mesmerising. I searched in Google Images for more than an hour. But before that I had to decide the color of the flower, and the names of both the characters. Wikipedia was quite helpful with all this. I also had to study the seasons and the changes they bring in. A little more about flowers and clouds was also somthing I learnt though it wasn't necessary. I tried my best not to include any thing which would be directly concerned with humans ... I wanted to have something where there would be no such thing as human except the concept of 'heart' and love. I suppose I was successful with this.
Today I didn't do anything much worthy to be written here. Though I woke up early I slept a lot during daytime. I didn't get to chat online with anyone today except for short versions with a cousin. In the evening my parents and my brother went for shopping and I stayed at home. The dinner, as today is a Sunday, was from outside and just a few minutes I had a mango.
My yahoo messenger is creating problems again. I do not understand why Yahoo people always have some little problem with all their versions of their messengers. Trillian is wonderful and it requires no messenger, it is so convenient to use too. The other messengers I use, MSN and Google Talk, are perfect though the features are limited. Even www.e-messenger.net is fine.
I have updated The Technology Blog and News and Opinions.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
First Ambivalent then Cool
Today was my friend's birthday. Yesterday though I was online and chatting with him I forgot to wish him. It was only when another friend reminded me that I wished him and the way I did it was a new one: I started the foto sharing feature in yahoo messenger and sent him a pic with the words "oops I forgot", then I followed it with sending many pics with birthday wishes on them.
We met today and it was good; but because of a friend who is a bit unhappy with this birthday guy, I was confused. I called him at an 'In' without informing him anything about the birthday thing and the b'day boy's presence. So, later I had to do a lot to get things right. We both then had a good time at Hyderabad Central and the initial anger bacame history.
I left for my grandparents' house from HC and came back home at 8:30 pm. Now, after my dinner I will get on to work for a post on Flowing Emotions. I am bit afraid to start with this as it will be a kind of fiction. Though there isn't much story in that, I am sure I will make it feel like one.
We met today and it was good; but because of a friend who is a bit unhappy with this birthday guy, I was confused. I called him at an 'In' without informing him anything about the birthday thing and the b'day boy's presence. So, later I had to do a lot to get things right. We both then had a good time at Hyderabad Central and the initial anger bacame history.
I left for my grandparents' house from HC and came back home at 8:30 pm. Now, after my dinner I will get on to work for a post on Flowing Emotions. I am bit afraid to start with this as it will be a kind of fiction. Though there isn't much story in that, I am sure I will make it feel like one.
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