So Sweet

You could only whisper it. Anything more than a whisper and it would vanish, it was so fragile.
-Gladiator, Marcus Aurelius

It's 12:12 AM and I have never felt more tired than now. I didn't do any big things or productive work today. I just spent a lot of time with my friends trying to do what they were doing. There was no desire within me that needed any special attention and focus to be satisfied. There was a need for company and smiles. I had plenty of that and I hope to go to bed as a happy man. Tomorrow will be another day, a continuation of the day I had just lived through. New days come to those who aren't satisfied with their present ones.

I have sent my transcripts and other documents to four universities till now and InshAllah I will have one more completed shortly. It's all just wait and see now. If Allah wills, I will sure get an I 20 and then it's the consulate. Obviously Allah decides and I pray. Satisfaction is not the only thing I ask for. I find difficulty in twisting and turning my mind in the directions others think. I only simulate and learn. That's what that takes a lot of thinking and time inherently.

It's 12:20 AM now and I know it will be a great thing if I leave for bed immediately. Yesterday I slept after 4 AM - I was waiting on the bed after 2 AM. The day before that it was around 3 AM again. It was 4 AM before that. And it's all only one thing - the immense need to explain myself why I feel what others around me don't and why I am dumb enough to feel so. But like a rational person, I always tell myself that there are several reasons to be very happy and they all prevail. And I succeed. It's 12:23 AM.