Nothing Motivates Like An Insult

When India's cricket match with Pakistan was drifting towards Pakistan, my mother on seeing me very tensed asked me to pray for our victory. I asked her if there was something I can get if my country wins. She replied "happiness". I said that I would rather pray for happiness than a victory. It's the desire and not the object.

I wanted not to react to the comment by Ms. Eloquence. And I am sure it is a 'Ms.'. But having read another comment, from a dear friend this time, I think I should get to some serious writing. He spoke in my defense and he almost got me into tears. He has been one of those who tell you if there is anything wrong you are doing but will stay with you no matter what happens because you are his friend. And I am blessed. The comments are on my post "My Keyboard Is Mightier". http://xubayr4.blogspot.com/2007/09/my-keyboard-is-mightier.html#comments

I don't like eating many vegetables; I don't like so many milk products; I hate curds. Perhaps Ms. Eloquence thought that I would eat her if she faced me directly. Ask any person who has spoken to me, I have never eaten anybody till now. I can write several words here, start a fight, ask many people to talk, but that won't be a part of my objective. If she could come and talk to me directly, I would use all my facial expression, integrate soft smiles, a few laughs and of course some sweet words to let her know that I don't eat human beings. And especially because she is a girl, I would never even think of raising my voice.

The accusation was that I am defaming a girl. I hope I am appropriate in using the word 'defaming'; I don't want anybody to tell me "hey, how can you take up words by yourself? she never said you were defaming anybody."I won't care for such people. I wonder how that girl about whom I have written so much would feel after reading all this; especially after reading that she is being supported by an eloquent person. If I were in this girl's place, I would have done so much. But she is sweet, intelligent and sensible. She hasn't reacted yet.

Some months back - I think it's almost a year now - I wrote a lengthy post blasting at a close friend. I wrote so much about him. He replied with a short comment. He just showed me how much he cared for me and how we are always going to be friends. We never fought. It was a step towards a stronger relationship. I once wrote about another friend too. But we still are friends. We are friends because we respect each other and we know what each of us is. We have spent hours together - in every mood possible. We know we are going to stand for each other. If Ms. Eloquence is playing some proxy with me, I am glad that girl has a good friend to support.

Coming to the support idea - even my friends support that girl. I say that with a smile and a chuckle. Why will I not? I know I have been a lot unreasonable than anything else. But I didn't do anything bad. I just got the first impressions wrong. And they were so wrong that they never let me have more chances. I appreciate the way she took everything. Just that she could have been more straight forward. No matter what I write about her, I respect her. I won't use the word 'love' because I am sure even Ms. Eloquence must have shouted at people she loves in her life. I respect that. Not all of us understand love. Great poets have died trying to put love in comprehension.

When I read the comment first, I wanted to reply with the teasing smiley ( :P ). Then I thought that would make her angry. And I feared that I would loose a reader. I also considered writing "did your mamma not tell you that cowardice is unIslamic?" Then I thought it would sound like a personal comment. I can't make personal comments on people who are good. I should rather go for what they have written.

For long we have read our syllabus books and many others too and all of them have dictated facts on us. We had to accept them and reproduce them. We had to take them as knowledge and learn from them. So, maybe when somebody sits to read my blogs, he/she might think that this is some script that is being enforced on him/her. She would simply fail to understand that they are all perceptions, private words, opinions, emotions - they can never be enforced. I am not writing doctrines here. Neither am I writing lyrics for songs or scripts for any television series.

"Dear young lady, I despised myself because I had to write a truth which was not going to be easy on some throats. I despised myself because I knew I could make somebody feel something wrong. I despised myself because I still respect her. Do you want me to write poems and stories in her praise? If you had known me, you could have read all that. I don't know you but I still respect you. Because I know that like me, even you love (!) your parents, you like good food, you like to spend time with your friends and you too believe in the beauty of future. I respect you for the comment you have left."

Ms. Eloquence spoke about religion. It irks me a lot when anybody hits on the faith in me. I know even I have no idea how much faith I have in me. Allah knows it better. Because I am a Muslim, I took a route through my parents and laid everything in front of them. But yes of course, I should believe in the verse of the Holy Quran "lakum deenukum wali ya deen". I gets translated as "to you your religion and to me my religion". The verse might not be precise on the context but I know it explains what I am trying to tell.

I felt bad when Ms. Eloquence said she was possibly wasting her time and energy when she thought I won't accept her comment. She wanted to tell me something and even if I don't accept the comment, I would in any case read it. Did she want it to be public? It was her decision to write that. Perhaps she was angry at me. I take it as inherently justified.

That last word 'sad' spoke more than just sadness. The last time there was no limit to my sense of humor was around a year back when I was playing even with brickbats. One of my friends always says that my name should have been 'joker'. Now I know reading all this can make her wonder if she can use this to strike at me. I just write this to show that I am not as serious as I look or my blogs look. At home I am called 'junglee', 'devdas', 'strange', and so much. I enjoy that. I couldn't enjoy that 'sad'. I couldn't understand what made HER so sad.

Girls are sweet. They are nice. They are caring. They are hardworking. They are more matured than guys of their age. I often trust their wisdom. I have five of them as very close friends of mine and they have taught me a lot. I have taken their advice all through. Just because I accept their superiority. I am not a chick just saying 'quack, quack' on my blog. I am not laying eggs here. I am putting in words what I feel. If I start writing everything I think, I am sure I will have to bring in bigger animals as examples.

But I don't have any girlfriends. My parents tell me that even if I have a girlfriend I should be proud of that and keep it an open secret. I don't know how much they mean it when they say that, I am never going to to have a girlfriend. That word sounds good but I don't like the idea. Girlfriend. 'yuk'! I have a big smile on my face right now with teeth visible to the computer screen. I have friends and I love them.

I know what it means when we say 'a girl's respect'. I know it means more than 'a guy's respect'. Because we all know and take it for granted that guys are shameless. Now, don't ask me why it is taken for granted. Maybe because they can remove their shirts and behave like Salman khan even when they are no good than Abhishek Bachchan. But I am Syed Zubair Hasan. I can be infinitely boring. But I am not self-centered in the way it was referred in the comment. I wouldn't be writing any blogs if I were self-centered. If I am confronted with, I can show a childish face, give the sweetest possible smile I can make and explain with the tone of my voice that I am not like how Ms. Eloquence perceived me to be.