There will be a time sometime again

Yesterday around 1 pm I lay myself in the drawing room and fell asleep when I felt my father holding my hand. He was sitting close to me rubbing my palm and asking me to wake up in a soft voice. That reminded me of my childhood days when I used to sleep with him hugging him, when I would greet him every evening with a hug, when we would go for a walk late in the night and I would hold his warm hand feeling security in the touch. We go for walks even now but it's different. Allah has blessed me with wonderful parents.

Yesterday around 7:3o pm I began to feel something very heavy in my heart. I began to feel myself afraid of something, very uncomfortable, something very terribly sad. I spent more than 30 minutes trying to understand the reason. I spent an equal amount of time working to figure out what action would make me feel better. I considered talking to some friend, I sat with my parents, tried writing a poem, tried updating the blog - came out with just one paragraph, I even tried to cry thinking it would pour the fear - or whatever it was - out. Nothing worked.

Then a friend called up and we spoke for about 10 minutes. It wasn't of much help but still it was good. Then I had a very short conversation with another friend through SMS and it was then that I began to feel better. Late in the night I had an online chat with another friend and that polished the relief. All the time I was afraid that I wouldn't get sleep and that an execrable night awaited for me. Alhamdulillah I went to bed contended and painless.

When trying to soothe myself I even listened some music. I somehow felt that loud music was a bit pacifying. Immediately I was hearing to some big beats and fast songs. For a second I felt I should dance. I was instantly reminded of the song "Hotel California" where there in a stanza - "some dance to remember, some dance to forget". Perhaps there was something I wanted to forget desperately that made me feel so. I understood that line much better yesterday.

I was even reminded of the speech I had written for the farewell party given to our seniors in April. I had skipped that function for several reasons I am not in a mood to get into now. In the inaugural talk which I had penned sitting at 2:30 am two days before that party, I had mentioned this line thinking that it would be understood there at the feast. But yesterday, I myself realized it. But I didn't dance. Maybe I can dance to help forgetting, but I have been barred from my religion to do such a thing even if it is for remembering.

In the afternoon a friend came to my house and stayed till late evening. Another friend arrived around 8:30 pm and stayed till 1 am. We watched the movie "Pursuit of Happiness" starring Wills Smith and his own son Christopher Smith. It was one of the best movies I have even seen. The movie is a true story of Chris Gardner who right now - in the real world - is a millionaire. He owns a firm named Gardner Rich.

Six of my very good friends got selected in Accenture.Two of them are still going to join Infosys. So many people, on Saturday, asked me why I was not trying for this particular company and my only reply to each of them was: "Why should I try when I am already placed in Infosys?" Nobody gave a reply to that. I wanted at least one person to give a fitting answer and get me to thinking and possibly even make me regret not trying. I have my own reasons for not trying. They were telling that Accenture was the "dream company". I just thought to myself, "yes of course, Accenture is a dream company. Are they giving away the company?" Two of my selected friends spent two days while getting selected. But yesterday evening when I saw one of them having his status message on Yahoo messenger as "Infosys Rocks", I just said silently "yes, that's the spirit". Acenture (ACN) is definitely a good company - on NASDAQ it's value per share was $40 today. INFY is worth more than $45 per share. Investment is my "dream idea" - more important.