Playing Russian Roulette With My Days

If I had anything in my stomach today morning, it would have easily buster out. My mouth was continuously secreting lots of saliva and I had the typical vomiting sensation I couldn't bear. I somehow got ready for the college and waited hoping that I would be fine. I was sure that anything put into my stomach would come out so I asked my mother not to keep anything for breakfast on the table. She kept my lunch box ready. I couldn't go to the college either. But as I was expecting, and I knew it would happen, I was fine in some time. Just that the time taken for that "sometime" to come stopped me from going to the college.

I slept a lot the whole day. At one moment I even had prayers going on in my sleep. I was glad things were coming out of my heart and they were not superficial. Like a tear we sometimes try to stop from appearing in our eye, I had to control showing my joy of having my prayers within the idea and principle of integrity. Their acceptance is Allah's will. Allah knows whats on the other side. I don't.

I have been having many things being said to me by my parents. My father probably knows how serious I am. He kept calling me all day to find out how I was doing. In an SMS he sent me today he asked me not to worry. That made me realize that some of my mental state is a reason for the strain in my stomach. Alhamdulillah I am fine now. But I am worried. I am apprehensive but hoping for the best. Maybe by the time I wake up tomorrow morning, things would be already said. Or maybe not. Allah knows if there is more waiting ahead for me.

I don't mean to shock or hurt anybody. I know things will be different once the answer is taken - whatever way the answer goes. I wish I could write all that here. I can see only one way. If that is blocked...

I don't remember when it was the last time I had my dinner before 9:30 pm. I had it so early today. I was feeling hungry. My mother had taken leave from her office and so she kept the food ready early. I ate as much as I could and I will need some good time before I can feel my stomach fine again. Its very heavy right now.

Today my father explained me how bad it can be for me to sleep late in the nights. I know he is right even though I resisted what he was telling. He warned me that this could someday become a reason for bigger illness. I know he is right. I will heed to his words. InshAllah.

I read some blogs today. I have them saved here as bookmarks. I found some very interesting and others very dumb. I was amazed how they could attract so many comments. I wondered if I was lacking something in my blogs. I tried to be unbiased. I couldn't help understanding. There was so much crap written and there were comments telling that it was wonderful, sweet, thought-provoking and what not. But yes, there was definitely something I understood. If I had my blogs being written with a girl's name, I would have had many, many comments on each of my posts! So pathetic. Am I really dumb?