I cannot always show it

The individual who has experienced solitude will not easily become a victim of mass suggestion.

— Albert Einstein

Today I had arguments with my mother twice. Once in the morning and once in the evening. Int he morning when I said that I wanted to take the car to the college, she didn't let me do that. In the evening because she said that I was missing classes at CL and that she doesn't really understand why I am going to Genpact. I didn't know what to explain her. She keeps repeating that I don't understand her. I don't make any attempts to make her understand me. Its a two-way process and its not taking place well.

I was at home the whole day. I didn't step out of the house for even once. This Saturday, is perhaps is the first Saturday that I have stayed home the whole day. For once it gave me the feeling of a Sunday too. The home-made food in dinner reminded me that its not. I had 'tahaari'. It was fine but I didn't like it much. The reason I didn't go to my grandmother's place is that she was at my aunt's house at Malakpet the whole week and she returned home just a couple of hours back.

Today there was some program I was supposed to attend in the college. When my mother didn't allow me to use the car I was a bit upset and I went back to bed. I woke up after 12:30 pm. I did want to got here. I wanted to be with my friends for sometime. When I called one of them to find out if they were going to be there in the college for some more time so that I could come, he replied in negation. I didn't go. Maybe even he didn't know that they were going to stay there for another two hours after I made the call. I felt a little bad. I move on.

Somethings don't let me move on this way. They keep coming back again to present themselves as if they are an integral part of my destiny. They tell me that my past won't bury so easily. What I came across eight years back looks as though it will haunt me all through my life. Maybe the word 'haunt' is in its improper use here. I might as well perhaps call this as a punishment - of some divine sort. I don't know what it is but it hurts.

Today when I lay myself on the bed thinking about going to the college, I came across this thing that brought tears in my eyes. I didn't know I would cry on it taken that I regret its occurrence. It was not that simple wetness in the eyes. I had tears rolling from both the eyes and my heart hurting me. I fell asleep. I was fine when I woke up. I had moved on then.

Then I got to talk to a cousin of mine who gave gave me a news that apparently seems as the most exciting of all the things I have heard in my recent past. I still do not know how to react to it. It looks silly. I feel like laughing for once. And I feel like shouting. I wish I could cry on it - the tears won't come on this occasion. The news has some string attached to it that states that it may silently bury itself. But there are more chances of a 'move ahead' scenario and I want that to happen. If I exaggerate, I can call it my destiny and accept it. But terming that way would sound naive. Perhaps no. What else is destiny then?

Tomorrow I plan to go to my aunt's house and spend time with my cousins. it has been long since I met them. In fact I was supposed to be there today but we found it better suited for tomorrow. I have many things to talk to one of them. Today my father had said that we would go out for a drive today but he postponed it for tomorrow. Thats is among the important things too. CAT is always there as a background process.