Contain, reduce and absolve

The blog is still open to all and had rejected some requests of updates. I even refused to delete the blog when my cousin asked me to do so. He said he could smell some bad stench from the screen when he has the page opened on his computer. Somehow, I write again.

My heart explained to me yesterday and the day before that, and also on the day before that, and even before that, that I must write something. I was explaining back to it why I must not write anything. I loose my will to my heart today. Finally. I could fight only for 10 days. I had to move beyond 319 and embrace 320.

I have had several ideas and emotions I could have well written here amounting to several thousand words in these 10 days. I was thinking that keeping things to my own self can be considered as maturity. I was reading many other blogs all these days. Some were more blatant. Some made me wet my eyes. And some relied on my brain to keep my heart from resenting stagnation of my blog. I didn't think much before starting to write for today. Or starting to write today.

I was wanting to put up something on Flowing Emotions. Thoughts that my ideas and words will be immature reduced them to ashes of burnt pages that are never useful again. Perhaps if I have salvaged some faint fumes that I must realize sometime later when there is no other smell to relish. Not that I have perfume around me right now. Its just the feeling of being wrapped in a cozy warmth. I cherish even tears. Sometimes smiles.

There is a verse in the Holy Quran that says that Allah's has put love in the hearts of men and women. I don;t remember the context neither do I remember the exact words of the verse. It cleared some doubts in me that were hunting me. I was trouble with the psychology of some people who were terming love as an illogical and imaginary emotion. I am glad I can read and understand. I recognise the power of education every now and then.

If those who have been reading my blogs and those who have read this post till here get a question of why exactly I had stopped writing and what has made me write again, the rest of the post is for them - another paragraph after this. I thought it was immature not being able to contain myself. I am into the same belief even now and so from now on most of my talk will be indirect or at least not open. It can be obfuscating. I intend to be that way.

Some people with discrete motives and half knowledge were troubling me with their actions and resultant actions of their thoughts. I had to learn myself out of that syndrome of being taken unreasonable. That amounts to maturity too. At least that is what I think. If I explain what I discussed with my father here today for more than an hour, its surely going to stir up something idiot. I just now felt like using some very dirty word in place of "idiot". I have to refrain. I have done it all through my 20+ years now. I will continue.