Tendentious. Oh! Is it?

I have been thinking about today's posting since afternoon because I told a few of my friends that I would be writing the reason for not willing to be a part of the farewell party preparations and also the party itself in today's post. The poignancy is that I don't have a single valid reason for the said thing. This puts me in a predicament and should I try to justify anything, it would be simple prattling on trivialities. I don't possess any dexterity to give elucidations on what all I say, but I do know what I am saying and I stand by it as long as I find myself judicious.

Chocolate and coffee are two delicacies I love to live on. I like coffee for its exuberantly enthralling taste and chocolate for several reasons including a few emotional ones. I love chocolate when it is luscious, pure and thick. I like taking it little by little, enjoying every dot of it that enters my mouth. I enjoy it till it takes me to a pinnacle of joy - the joy that be obtained by eating something; I can't mean anything more than that; I can't in fact - and after that I am done! I never take more than a mug (400 ml) of coffee in a day - as long as I don't have to keep myself awake for long hours - and so I never reach any form of self-palpable apex with coffee.

At times it so happens that I don't feel like eating chocolate even when I haven't tasted it for hours. I underscore the word 'feel' here. I always believe that it is several times easier to feel than to think and so, I find it appropriate to underscore this word in this given context. Coming back to chocolate - some times I simply don't feel like eating it. Simply.

Music has always been a weakness of mine. In general I hate rap but I find 'walou', 'peelo' and 'mocking bird' somewhat amusing. I don't put the tracks by Linkin Park under rap. I am more penchant towards numbers with good lyrics and a good low bass - beats. And obviously, the songs I listen to are more centered to the kind of feelings I have within me. I highlight the word feelings here! And there are times when I don't feel like listening to any songs - no matter how good they are. Feel ... I am sure the point is made again about this word.

Sometimes I don't feel like eating food in spite of being flummox as to why I 'feel' so. Then there are moments of undefined temptations when I feel like not keeping my eyes open! Some times I don't feel like breathing though my nostrils. Maybe if I push my brain a little further I can give a few more such immutable or irrevocable feelings I experience or perchance, keep experiencing. Feelings ... !

In a similar way I don't feel like being in any link to the farewell party which most of my batch mates and friends are organizing for the seniors who are spending their last days in the college at this time of the year. I don't have a reason for this that can be perceived by any other person but me. May be even if I had somebody who could be called my alter ego, I am half-sure that that person too could have not understood my reason. And after all, it is a feeling, and feelings seldom find any reason for their existence.

This, whatever termed as - reason, unreasonable reason, ludicrous feeling, inanity, or anything - is my justification for keeping away from the above said event. I have nothing against any person involved in it, I am not bringing any truths of religion into this, I don't want to be sanctimonious, it is just a show, I don't want to put forward any excuses, I don't want to make any person coming back to me asking for money and me telling that I would be giving it the next day even while knowing that I would not be doing that, and I don't want to cheat anybody including me.

It won't make any difference if I am not there in the party. There were innumerable such occasions till now in the past and all of them were without me! And I am not a best friend or a closest friend of any person that would make him or her skip the party because I am not going to be there. It is plain and simple - things will go the way they have to indifferent to my behavior.

After the Friday prayers I had my lab internal test for Computer Graphics. I took a little help from a friend sitting beside me in clarifying a few things I was unsure about and I suppose it accounts for cheating. But I don't know if I should feel guilty for it. I don't feel it. I think I could have done the two programs perfectly well even without those clarifications. But they saved some time. Having a friend sitting beside always makes me talk. I would be sinning if I don't call it cheating if it really is. And if it really is, then maybe I should recheck my fundamentals.