Some things never change and other things refuse to stop changing

A few minutes after reaching CL we were given the exercise sheets and told to start solving them. We continued till 10:30 am when we were told that the faculty who was supposed to teach us today met with an accident. We were asked to leave. The in-charge was apologetic about the cancellation of the class. I felt there was no necessity for them to apologize; there was a problem which was reasonable.

Yesterday since afternoon itself I wasn't feeling like attending the evening class. I didn't go. I was at my grandmother's house and reached home at 9:30 pm. My father had been to Mt. Opera as picnic with his school students and he came late and pick me late from there. He said he enjoyed. Even my cousins went with them. I couldn't as I had college to attend. My brother had his exam.

Late in the evening I began to feel some pain in my legs. I had some fever that was making me weak. Even a couple of days back I felt the same and I had taken some medicine. Yesterday I took nothing and was fine till the time I went to sleep - at 3 am.

In the college I submitted a lab assignment for which I had spent a good amount of time on Friday evening. The lecturer was not at all happy with what we people have done. We submitted programs done not by us but by somebody else. But we had to do such a thing. It was not at all possible for each of us to do our separate programs. So a few of my friends compiled programs taking them from other students who have done them and we took printouts at our houses. We couldn't satisfy the lecturer. In fact he can never be satisfied!

After coming home from CL I slept for a few hours. It was necessary for me to complete the sleep. I woke up at 3 pm and my uncle was here to visit us. We had lunch together. Later he had to do some work on the internet and take some prints. He lefts sometime back. He gave me a login ID and password of www.stc.com.sa from where I can send SMS to any cellphone anywhere free of cost. This service is for those who live in Saudi Arabia and use some telecom services of that particular company.

Today as the class was left early, I got to talk a little with 2 of my friends at CL for sometime. One of them is from my college itself and he plans to write GRE this August. The other person has already booked a slot in June. They said they want to keep their options open. I somehow don't understand what these people are doing! I feel many write GRE just because they see their friends writing it. They go for some coaching, spend time in studying, buy material ... create a hype ... I don't know the climax. I didn't get why a person spending 15,500 Rupees for just getting prepared to write CAT has to spend another 7,000 to write GRE.

Having too many options is worse than having too few options. Too much freedom cripples, it never gives room for accomplishments. Having just CAT in mind helps crack test like XAT, SNAP, MAT and even GMAT. There are already so many options here in this stream. A person spending time and money for CAT should first decided what he wants to do - an MBA or an MS. If he is confused, then he is creating a potential space for a disaster.

It is not just here but in every point in life that I feel too many options are bad. Thy not only create confusion in the later and final stages of decision - making, but also make us weak in what ever we are doing presently. Investing energy - both mental and physical - is like paying something in advance. If we do not know what we are paying for, then how can we know what to expect in return? It is simple logic - decide what you want, or let others decide!

Then there is one thing more that irks me a lot. People doing things after they see their friends doing it. Once in one of my blogs wrote "people do not know what they want unless they see it" and also "people do not know what they want and YOU can decide things for them". This leaves a hole in a persons character that can provide others with a chance to manipulate them for their personal use. I understand I am talking about something that people hardly think of - manipulating their friends. But what if they think?

People don't want to be alone when they seek out or something new. When they fail, they want somebody with them who has suffered the same too. Average people like mediocrity around them. They resist changes and resist anything above their level. They see yet refuse the truth. They understand but deny any knowledge. They pretend. People like to have people around them who would tell them that it is human to see failure and remind them of the famous quotes told in support of failure.

Something never change and other things refuse to stop changing. I have been experiencing this pretty closely for the last few weeks. It has caused to make a lot of difference to me and I understand it is going to continue with me as long as I am alive. People change, their lives change and we are forced to change - change our views, priorities, fundamental beliefs, standards and sometimes everything.

I have been meeting my aunt - my mother's youngest sister - for all my life at least once in 10 days. The age difference between us is 8 years and I have cousins from my father's side who she larger age differences. So, in a way my aunt was like an elder sister to me. She is in Mecca now and will come here only in 2008 when I am not sure of being here. She had been to Mecca before but it was just for a month and she was back.

My grandmother's house is all silent now. Even my grandfather has left us forever. my Uncle's children are there but they are very calm and hardly make their presence felt. My grandmother is very depressed and she will take some time to get used to the idea of not having her husband around and living away from her daughter who was with her for 28 years now. Even I have to get used to many things. I will take more time than her.

I have tried to forge some new bonds and failed miserably. But Allah has been too kind toward me and He obliged with me several new people who have become highly imperative for my happy being. He has also brought me closer to ones who were already there in my life, but were just there. They all have become an integral part of me. Then 'bond' never gets any substance. It's become an infinite wait. I feed myself on hope.

But as I have mentioned above, change is constant. And it never ceases to be constant. All of the present will change too. People will change, time will take them along giving them new heights and happinesses, and in turn, I will be made to change. The moment I resist anything, I will be conflicting with the laws of nature and this time, it can turn tragic for me.

So, now as I sit here and type all this without even checking what I am typing - grammar, spellings - but just reflecting on what my mind is presenting my hands with, I rely on what change I am going to resist. Perhaps this will look like an antithesis to the philosophy (or whatever it can be termed as) I have written above, but the changes I am going to resist will decide where I will go and where this road will take me to.

These resisted changes will be the possible threats to me - things that can harm me and let other unknown aspects to cause to harm me. These will be the negative traits in me and I am supposed to be aware of them. I rely on my weaknesses to let me know where I have to pause and where I have to stop. Strengths will give the movement and also the momentum. Weaknesses can wait. I have to make my strengths work for me. Hehehe ... the question is "when and how?" - the tragedy!