Today morning at 5:15 am the door bell was ringing. I was sleeping in the living room and when I heard it, I felt that I was hearing it in some dream of mine. But I realized that it wasn't a dream. My aunt was already awake and I woke up to reach the balcony. I asked who it was and my elder cousin brother replied. I opened the door. He had just arrived from Gulbarga.
In the evening a few of my close aunts and uncle with my cousin went to finalize his marriage. the wedding will be after a year. There will be an engagement in some time. There was a lot of sound in my house today after a lot of time with my cousins' children playing and shouting. I was silently sitting in front of the computer. I was very tired and I was badly in need of sleep. I went to bed at 8:50 pm and woke up a little after 10 pm. I am surly going to crash out early. But I also want to spend some time with my cousins. I feel bad. I can't fight sleep much. I slept for hardly 4 hours yesterday.
Today I attended the morning session and in the afternoon I was with my seniors, classmates and friends preparing charts for Adsophos. I didn't make even a single chart completely but I saw many being completed in front of my eyes! I was int eh college till 5 pm. In the days to come, especially on Monday, I will be there till very late in the evening.
While we were all in the room busy with our work, a few of our seniors came inside the class. I didn't know they were our seniors. They started troubling me and stopping me from doing my work. My other seniors, who happen to be their classmates were out. They came in and somehow got these people away from me. I got back to work. But in a few minutes I heard some loud sounds. These seniors who were here to trouble us were fighting with a senior under whom we people work. I was afraid to do a thing. Though there was nothing physical, the words used by those hooligans were very vulgar. Alhamdulillah it got over soon.
I have been feeling very drowsy since evening. I wanted to be with all the people who were here at home today, I wanted to talk to my cousins, but something kept stopping me. I wish I could fight some mood out of me and behave normally. I have hardly kept myself productive these days and I am pretty unsatisfied with myself that I feel guilty.
I am not spending much time on the internet and not chatting much with my friends. I am not getting time for anything. Evening once I begin to have as much time I used to have until a few days back, I hope to get myself occupied with my preparations for CAT. It is high time that study for at least 15 hours a week. It is more than necessary for me to that if I want to clear all the cut offs in the test.
I can well say that I have a thousand things on my mind but it would be rather foolishness if I do so with nothing specific I have to define what they are. I sometimes feel I could run away from myself. But I can't do that. I have to carry myself wherever I go! And when I say 'I', it include many things and many people. If I present a confused picture now, it only means that I am easier to interpret when I write and difficult when I am quiet.
Right now my cousins and my brother are playing Playstation. Presently they are playing Crash Team Racing and until sometime they were engrossed in 'The Mummy'. I am not sure if this is the correct name of that game but it is based on that famous movie. Crash Team racing has been an all time favorite of mine.
This post takes the number of posts on this blog to 250. For all the things I wanted to write in today's post and for all the things I couldn't write today, there is just one thing I would like to say - nothing. I don't mind being called mad. I am used it by now. Everybody calls me that. What can I do?
Today I read some part of an old post on Flowing Emotions. I had tears in my eyes while I was reading it. I read some parts of it and couldn't believe that its me who has written it. Then I said to myself "I am like that". I am like that. http://xubayr.blogspot.com/2006/11/guy-like-me.html
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