Don't know why I didn't come

Tomorrow I won't be going to Career Launcher for the class. I have my first class tests (internals) from Monday and I think I should study! I know I will be waking up late and by the time I start it will be afternoon. But not going there will help me complete my sleep and help me keep myself awake. Usually on Sundays I sleep in the afternoon after coming back home from the class.

Today after waking up at 11 am I spent around 2 hours in front of the computer. I had to search for some softwares my uncle had asked me for and download them. It took a lot of time to get them. I found them at phazeddl.com. I reached his house at 2 pm and left for CL at 5:30 pm. The class at CL went on even after 9 pm.

We had PDP today - Personality Development Program (I am still not sure if the last word is Program!). We were first explained a concept on Business Administration. Then we were told how important it is to understand ourselves better (I was thinking I knew it from before; especially when the method to understand ourselves better was said - talking more; I write about myself - I must be on the right track; maybe). Maybe I will someday write down the concept we were taught. I was really interesting.

Then we were made to talk on ourselves. We had to tell about our extra curricular activities. Then it was the extempore. One by one, each of us was given a topic and three minutes to think. Then we had to talk on it for three minutes. The topic given to me was 'BLACK'. I could hardly think of anything. I was a little nervous already. I saw some of the guys speaking for less than 30 seconds. They were so tensed that they couldn't talk anything. When my 3 minutes to think were on, another person was thinking. By the time I could decide what I would be talking on 'Black', the time for me to talk had arrived.

I spoke on two things - the sadness and mourning related tot he black color, and a little about people who are black. I spoke fast and stopped it after 1 minute 30 seconds. I was happy the way I did. Just that I should have spoken on more things related tot hat topic - black! Later after my talk was over, I could think of at least 2-3 more things I could have spoken on.


At the end of the class, some people from a group named AIESEC gave a shot talk on a recruitment drive they are conducting tomorrow at Amrutha Castle. We were invited to attend the program and try to make ourselves a member of their group. They told us why we should do so. They were impressive. Perhaps if I had no tests on Monday, I would have considered giving it a try. I am n0t going tomorrow to any program. Not even the class at CL. (I have no idea of what AIESEC means!)

Yesterday evening along with 6 of my friends I went to the annual Industrial Exhibition. A friend was with me almost all day yesterday, and in the evening I asked him if we could go. We made calls to many of our friends. After a lot of talking and discussions we decided everything and we met at the entrance of the place after 8:30 pm. I reached home at 11:20 pm. I did two things there - ate and say 'Well of Death'. I have seen it before once and as some of my friends were going to watch it, I took along.

During the day time too I went out to eat twice. Once i didn't get my chicken roll, so I just waited till my friend finished his mutton rolls. Just before the evening I went again out again - this time to Universal near NMDC. We both even had to take some photocopies of notes as we have tests from Monday. Yesterday morning I woke up at 12 noon. I had slept at 3 in the morning. It was at the same time yesterday too.

For the last few days I have been having chats daily with 2 of my cousins. Though we were in regular contact, chatting with the webcams switched on is something very nice and warm. One of them is my sister who got married in December - now in Decatur. And the other sister is probably my eldest friend - she lives in Austin.

For the last two days I am perhaps most of the time in frustration in anger! Today I tried to find I reason for it. I came to a few conclusions and I didn't like what I thought. I have observed that these two days I was a little rude with answering to anything I was asked, I didn't try to keep calm and probably I didn't know how to behave. I have a lot of things to ponder upon. I am possibly doing many things wrong. I don't know if I am worried.

today I had been explaining it to my friend that some times thinking before talking can stop us from talking anything. I found this with myself - whenever I think too much before talking to somebody on anything particular, I fall short of words which I would find suitable to be said. After thinking all that I get a feeling that it is good if nothing is said. When I think everything that could be told seems to be useless or immature or irrelevant. I guess I have to work on this.

Sometimes I prefer not thinking while I am talking to some of my friends. I pray I don't end up paying anything for this. I hope they understand me and will even let me know if I am wrong - I know I am wrong at many places. I believe I am sounding a little different today - I wish I could help myself.

My anger and frustration has nothing to do with my friend with whom I messed up a few days back. perhaps the 'messing up' was more from my side than him. Maybe I shouldn't have written about him on my blog or I shouldn't have commented back at his comments. But I stand by all that I have said. But I also realize that it was not about who was right and who was wrong. It was also not about what was right and what was wrong. It was just that I was angry. Nobody need to prove it! I don't want to justify my anger. I did it right by being that way. I will keep my ego.

I wrote a poem on Gridlocked today.