May be I am being too emotional

I had my early morning meal an hour back. Just thought of spending some time on the internet so didn't sleep. Yesterday night I opened the blogger.com website to update the blog but didn't feel like writing anything. I even went to the compose-page but logged out after that!

Yesterday I reached home at 9:00 pm from CL. I missed my taraveeh prayers and even the evening ones. I had my iftaar at a bakery near CL - it was a heavy spring roll. This was for the first time that I sat alone in a place like that and ate something. Everytime I eat something outside I have somebody wit me; if I am alone I get things home and have them. I was alone today. Felt different, but I know things like these are going to happen more frequently now.

Earlier during the day yesterday I bought an inkjet printer. It's from HP. I had an old friend of mine to accompany me. We went on his bike. Then there was another problem with my computer - my optical drive wasn't working and I needed it badly to install the printer drivers. So, I called up my uncle who lives in Saudi Arabia and asked him if I could take one of the 2 ROMs from his computer here. He agreed too happily. I took it home and by the time my computer was ready with the printer it was already 12 midnight. I took some printout just now and I am satisfied with everything.

Now that I have a ROM in my computer, I am thinking of having a format done. It will be one of those recoveries of the data wherein all the registry is reset and my computer will be rolled back to what it was when I purchased it. None of the data will be deleted but all the software I had installed will be removed. So, its going to b a task for me to reinstall everything. But it will be worth that hardwork given that my computer's performance will bettered by a good measure.

Yesterday sitting at the bakery alone I looked out of the huge glass window staring at the busy street below. It was on the first floor of a small building overlooking the Green Lands Guesthouse. I felt real lonely. I was waiting for the rolls to come and was terribly hungry. I felt as if I live alone in the city and there is nobody who knows me here. I was getting into too many deep thoughts when the spring roll arrived. It was quite a lot in quantity but hardly took any time for me to finish it up. I was already getting late for the class. Just reached there before time.

Yesterday morning I got out off bed at 11:30 am. I remember getting up a lot earlier than that but was just lying there - trying to think! When I came out and sat in the living room I felt as if I ws going to waste the whole day. So I called up my friend and asked him if we could go out to shop for the printer. He was too friendly and agreed.

My brother has his last 3 days of Dusserah holidays. Today after the morning prayers he went out to play. He is fasting and he didn't listen to my mother's advice that he should sleep. He plays cricket and football usually. Today he is playing only football - with his Sudani friends he has made. He plays with them every Sunday and they have socialized.

My brotherly is more friendly than me. Quite a few times I have been told by people that I talk less, and that I am cold by nature. I can't help with this - simply. My friend know how much I can talk. They know they can't stop me when I am on. But this doesn't happens always and whenever it happens, it's only with my friends. I find no reason why I should talk to new people unless there is a need. And I always hope that no need arises. Even when there is something I need to know I prefer acquiring things by myself. Probably I am wrong with this; probably I don't know how to make friends - I never made friends by myself; and probably I don't know how to socialize with people and get acquainted. But this is how I am - I wish I can learn things and change myself.

My friend at CL has already made a few friends. I spoke to a guy last week - actually he spoke to me; he was the 3rd one to talk to me. He told me his name and I forgot. Perhaps I didn't take it seriously. Later I asked my friend about him. I hope I don't forget anything. There is one more guy who greets me everytime I am there - I need to know his name too. It is essential for me to be more friendly and loose my cold nature so that I get to meet more people. People in turn are essential to ones success - but right kind of people.

I have also learnt about myself that I take a lot of time to get close to a person even after getting well acquainted with him. I never feel like sharing anything with any person unless I totally trust in him. I fear being laughed at - may be not in front of me but behind my back. I find myself at comfort with a person after a long time of staying together. But over the years I have found many people like these and I have a long list of friends. But I don't find any person who became my friend when I tried to forge a friendship. I never tried that with anybody. I don't know if I will ever do that. I suppose as long as I keep trying to become a good person and behave well with others, I will get friends without any trouble. But this nature of mine tells me about a problem that may arise in future ... may be I am being too emotional!

I had been trying to write something for Flowing Emotions but I am not able to find time at night. I am getting too tired and crashing out earlier than usual. There are 2 topics I had decided long back and they are waiting for my attention and time!