Today afternoon and evening I wasn't me

I had only one class in the college today but I was there till 5 pm. I left home at 8:30 in the morning and was back at 9:10 in the evening.


The class I had in the college started at around 10:25 am. I went to the lab for print outs at 12:15 pm I guess and was there till 3:00 pm. I would have spent more time but there was a power failure. There were 4 sets of print outs I will along with a friend and we took around 200 pages for our work. It hasn't been completed yet. Till here my day was wonderful - full of happiness and cheer.

When I left the lab and was on the stairs I saw somebody sitting there with a friend. I kept my face bowed down as usual but this time I raised my eyes to have a look. That person had already turned the face away from me. That person knew I was there and wantedly didn't look at me. It seemed as if I am being ignored, dumped, hated ... it was hurting. I must learn how to keep my eyes to myself. Should I have not looked up at that person, I had been writing a jovial post today.

I sat behind the library with 2 of my friends and had kunch. I was not fine. Then we went to our football ground where some students of Mechanical department were constructing something like a helicpoter which they were terming as ... I don't remember, sorry. Without even telling my friend, I started moving towards some corner in the ground to sit there. They followed me. I simply can't write down the way I behaved there. I spoke what came to my mouth, I was playing with leaves, stones, ants, everything I could find around me. I was not conscious and not in control of myself. I was laughing but all the time I was afraid I would break into tears.

We sat there till 4:50 pm. My friends left me and I was alone. Perhaps lonely. I had my class at CL from 6:30 pm and it was hardly 5 pm now. I roamed around for some time. I dont know why I did that. I hope I would find someboday but also hoped that I dont get to see anybody.

Then I thought I should leave the college. I went to a near by busstand and stood there for sometime. I wanted to sit but there wasnt any place there. I went to 2 more busstands after that thinking that I would get some pleace to sit but all I got was some rest from the busstop's shelter columns. I had to pass time and it wasn't moving. Ther was nothing I could do. I think I felt that way.

I didnt go to CL because there again I would be alone till the class starts. Somehow I escaped those 70 minutes and I was at CL. I was very tired and was in no mood to concentrate in the class. Somehow I managed to participate in all the discussions and came back ome at 9:10 pm. My friend who is also my classmate there dropped me home else I would have reached home only at 10 pm.

My father had not parked the car properly so I had to take the weel in my hands after some weeks. I took it as a chance and drove for a few minutes. I took a turn in the dark streets of military area near my house. Then into Salarjung Colony and back to tolichowki speeding at 75kmph. I broke the rules today. I drove so fast with some havy flow of traffic. I hope nobody comes to know about this. I think I was feeling some anger when I was driving and it was evidnt from the force I was putting on the accelerator. I had the vehicle in my control no doubt. My father drives at 80 kmph sometimes.

I have been listening to slow songs since then.