A strategy cut off from its 'origin of necessity' results in a tragedy

I had lately developed a sort of aversion towards all the songs of Westlife. Today I heard one - 'I have dream'. Then another - 'If I let you go'. I closed Media Player because I was starting to like those songs again' all those songs that have pulled me into deep.

Saturday: Just before leaving for CL I told my father about my plan to go to Gulbarga with my cousin. Some minutes before that I had very nice talks with my father and I knew he was in a very good mood. I thought it was the best time to tell him about my plan. Then I saw him fall asleep. I thought it would make things easier for me as telling him anything after waking him from sleep wouldnt get him annoyed because he wont be able to think anything on what I say. I had to wake him up anyways as I was leaving and he had to close the door. It was natural that he wouldnt mind if I wake him up. Just as he was closing the door I said, "my cousin is planning to go to Gulbarga on Sunday evening and even I would like to go with him". Even before he would say anything, I said, "we will talk about this in the evening". He replied in positive and I left.

At 10 pm in the night, I told about this again to my fahter. I asked him if he can allow me. He was looking positive again when my mother spoke up. She said she wont allow me to go. She said she is not going to give any permission even if my father agrees to it. When I turned to my fahter for help, he said he has no objection. My mother started all things about my studies and it was clear that she had no substantial reason for stopping me. I tried hard to know why she was stopping me and I could have no answer. I found myself fully correct in my request and as even my father was in my favor, I faught back. I spoke several things and we had some arguement.

Things calmed down in some time and though there wasnt any final decision made, even after I said, "I AM going", my mother was back to normal. If she had been really angry, she wouldnthave spoken to me so well after that talk. She was so sweet untill she went to sleep.

Sunday: She had to go to her office. I was trying to contact my cousin to inform him that I have the necessary permission and he had to finalise everyhting. I was trying to contact him but his cell was switched off and he was not at home. In the meanwhile I had a chat with my cousin in Gulbarga and he said he is waiting for us to arrive there. All I neede was a confirmation from my cousin.

He finally spoke in the evening around 5:30 pm. He said he was busy and he would take the permission from his parents and get back to me shortly. We even decided that we would leave early morning on Monday.

Around 8 pm I told my father that i would be laving the next mornig. He said fine ... but after tha followed an hour of arguement between me and my mother. she said what all she could speak without thinking. I was wondering all along if there was a single thing she really meant to say. I knew her blood pressure was high and she looses her control over herself when this happens. I simply didnt mind her telling all this. I also knew that she was trying to show anger and it looked so clear that she had already given me the permission to go and she was just throwing some left over talks on me.

After that everything was fine again and I was waiting for my cousin to call me back. I had soem nice time wiht my parents and my mohter asked me about the time I would be leaving and if I want her to cook something for me in the morning. Everything was pleasant and decded.

At this moment of time I felt I had become successful in understanding my parents to and extent and when I know I am not wrong, I can convince them for anything. Along with that I also told myself that I would never be doing anything wrong that is religiously and ethically incorrect. I knew that me going to Gulbarga had nohting wrong in it - I wasnt missing any of my prayers of doing anything bad. It was just 2 days of college that i was missing and that I knew is never a big problem.

He finally came online around 11:10pm. After greeting me he said, "sorry". I initially thought he was kidding. He then told me that he had been spending a lot of time with is friends and was coming home only in the nights so his parents didnt give him the necessary permission. My heart sank. He said he tried a lot and there seems to be no hope.


After hearing that from him, I started thingking who was wrong or what went wrong. If my cousin had got the permission from his parents, then we both would have been so happy. I knew even he was hurt. We had been planning this for the past 1 month and still were waiting for the right time. Everything collapsed.

I had faught with my mother for no reason - I didnt get anything from it. I faought with her and that itself is a personal loss. The way I was calling this a strategy came down crasing and turned into a kind of tragedy! I was in a big low after knowing that I wont be going.

Thenext day, today - Monday, I woke up at 8 am in the morning. I had slept late and I had to leavefor the college immediately. I was still sleepy so I thought I would sleep a little more and leave the first class. I woke up at 9:30 a. It was just 10 minutes my mother usually leaves for her office. I went straight into the bathroom thinking that I would tell my mother, that I am not going to Gulbarga but to college, after brushing my teeth. She was bit busy and I started ironing my clothes. I heard the door closing in theliving room. I realised that my mother had left. I was confused for a few seconds - she had spoken to me in the morning. It was for the first time that she didnt tell me that she was leaving or she had not even asked me to close the door. I had to tell her that I was not leaving for anyother place but was just going to the college.

She was angry with me. I was amazed thinking about that. I thought it was her ego. My father was supporting me and she didnt like that. She didnt like to see that I was going against somehting she was doing - stopping me. She didnt like me not listening to her. She had no other reason. I simply asked myself - 'are all girls like this?' I smiled, finished the ironing and got ready and went to take the lock just before leaving. I didnt find the keys there. It a kind of lock that doesnt require any keys for locking, just for openeing, and my mother had taken the keys with her thingking that I was leaving for Gulbarga and I wont be needing them. I understood tht I will be staying outside the house today at least till 6:30 pm when my brother arrives. He always has the second of the pair of keys.

Before leaving I wanted to call my fahter and inform him that I was not going to Gulbarga. His phone was not getting connected as his school always has problems wiht the network of Airtel. I left for the college. I was feeling as if I had no place to go with my parents thinking that I am not in Hyderabad and no keys with me. I was feeling week and different - I had never felt like this before. I tried calling my father several times even from the college but couldnt get him. Then I informed my uncle who works with my father to tell my father abut this.

He did and my fahter called me a couple of hours back on my friend's fone. I told him everything including that my mother didnt talk to me int he morning. He said she asked him if I am leaving and he told her that I wouldnt do anything without taking their permission. He said I would call them before I leave. I told him I felt very bad when she didnt talk to me. He said, "take it easy, she is like that always". I knew I had got he answer for the question I had asked myself some hours before 'are all girls like this?' If anybody likes to have a say on this please tell me. I know my mother was not angry with me, she just wanted to show some anger.

Before leaving in the orning she had kept eveything for me on the table - a boiled egg, then milk in the refrigerator and even food. She wouldnt have done it if she was angry. SHe just wnated to show that she wasnt happy with me. She wanted to ignore me, ... it looked like mischief to me. It looked childish. She spoke to me in the evening so well again as if nothng had happened. I dont know if my parent have discussed but I am sure they had some talk on this even before coming home.

Everything is perfectly fine now. My mother is all normal and she isnt showing any ego now! She was successful in stopping. Now a different thng that i didnt go due to some other reason.

I was ina very bad mood. I wanted to change it and when my friends spoke of going to a movie, I got ready immidiately. It was 'Lageyraho Munnabhai'. It was a nice, entertaining movie.

Some hours back I had a chat with a friend - actually an acquaintance. Since then I am into some mental unrest with my heart pounding. Its oemthing I cant discuss with anybody and my tension will continue till I get something pacifying to know. It will take time and till then I will be reeling under under pressure to know the truth. I simply dont understand why some people are not so direct and frank. How long am I going to wait to know the truth? Till the time I am done with my engineering? I expect to see the worst part of my life then. And yet I am waiting for that day to come. It going to sweep me off my feel.

I was thinking if I have one single person with whom I can share everything I think, feel and decide. I dont have anybody like that. I have my sister but I dont get to talk to her so frequently. Perhaps the person I need is called a best friend and nobody can be my best friend staying some 210 kilometers away from me. This needs a lot fo thinking.

Anyways I am still keeoing myself with 'The Island'. I am still planning what all to write. Even some other topics are going on but I need some matter that would give me a complete post and not some small sentences. I suppose even the topic 'best friend' would be good!

I have already written so much and i dont have the patience to review and correct it.