I am so blessed

Today while in taraveeh prayers, I could hear every muscle and bone I stretched and bent telling me about the pain it had. They were complaining that I was being too much of a sadist causing them to strain. I kept praying but hardly concentrated. I wish I am forgiven for that. I had a very tiring day.

I didn't attend the afternoon class. I had to go to each of the 1st year classes of CSE and IT and ask them to send their articles for MJ Communique. I had a completely new experience today. The first confrontation was in the workshop when I called some students at one place and told them the details. I asked them to inform about it to their other class mates. This was simple and easy.

Then I went to a chemistry lab. I was packed with confidence when I entered the lab. The lecturer was explaining something to the students at the board and around 30 students were around her. Then moment I told her that I wanted to make an announcement, she waved her hand and asked me to go ahead. I turned towards the students and went blank. They were all staring at me. All faces - as if I am being judged for something. Some faces were poking if between from other faces. I somehow said a few words to start with. I was literally trembling. I had a friend with me who took some responsibility of the announcement and helped me out. I was relaxed when it was over.

I still wonder what made me so nervous when I was there. After chemistry lab I went to 2 more classes and I was extremely comfortable with the students. One of the 2 classes was in the other chemistry lab and the other in a class room. The class room thing was the best feeling. All students were paying all attention and were listening to me eagerly.

I am sure I learned a lot today. I am also sure that the next time I have to say anything this way, I will be definitely good at it. I have spoken in front of many people before when in school but I didn't know I would fear this at this time. I was so confidant that I would have no problem - I had no problem actually save the chemistry lab!

Yesterday my friends had decided that we would go t Pizza Hut today to have the iftaar meal. We were 11 people there and had a lot of fun. One of my other friend was there too but with cousins on another table. I even met (an 'hi' from far away) a classmate from school. I met my cousin brother too.

The best part of today evening was I sat with my friend who had not been talking to me for the last few days. He (or probably we) was (were) back to normal. I felt so good and glad about this.

After reaching home I lay down for sometime. I sat beside my father. It was such a good feeling again. I wished I could take rest on his hand and relax, the way I used to do until a few years back. I realized I am too old for that now and I may never get a chance for that again. I even wished that I could sleep on my mother's lap ... Even that is not possible now. I have taken myself too far.

I had a terrible pain in my legs - thighs, knees, calf muscle, ankles, toes, palms, the complete feet. I usually give a massage by myself by pressing he muscles. I wanted to do that but had no time to relax. I left for prayers at 8:30 pm. I had already missed Ishaan. I prayed it individually and joined the taraveeh.