A moody idiot

When dinner was out, I was called by my parents to the drawing room - thats where it is being served now a days because everybody at home has found more enjoyment in a daily soap that starts at 10 than is staying quiet for sometime and having the food feeling together. I went to the room, took a plate, helped myself with all I wanted to eat, tok the plate out into the hall and sat in front of my computer to eat. My brother asked my father why I am not sitting with them - I answered back saying I don't want to watch anything that was going on in the television.





Then I thought of adjesting my system's subwoofer and for that I had to move the table a little. This created a 'screechy' noice. My mother shouted "what happened?" I calmly replied "nothing". Sheasked again. I didn't know how much of my voice was reaching her. I shouted out back aloud "nothing". I sat back on the chair. But my father came running to me. He was looking angry, and started scolding me for shouting so loud at my mother. He seemed to be very angry and my mood since evening began to talk with me - I was just thinking about it to myself - "please slap me father, no matter what the reason is. I want to be punished for everything I have done, felt or feeling, or have been through." I wanted to hurt myself physically and I wanted my father to do it for me.




After I had told him that it was thesecond time that I had to shout aloud cos my voice was not reaching, he turned back and walked away. It looked as if he was just trying to show some anger and he was not at all angry.




Now, the reason that I have written the above was just to show how I was feeling in the evening today. It has got nothing to do with my fahter. I just wanted somebody to hit me. It was a coincidence that my father got angry but even that didnt work for me. I wanted myself to be punished for several reasons. But I am fine now. I wrote a poem and read it several times. It made me feel better.




Somedays back I just asked myself why I was writing this blog. I go the answer immidiately - so that I can read it after a few years and laugh at myself - for obvious reasons so obvious that I cant put them here!




I really really wanted to update Flowing Emotions today - I had wanted it yesterday too. But I couldn't, actually I didn't. I have thought about a few things for this new post and I want it to materialise it soon. Tomorrow I have my sister's wedding to attend so even tomorrow I may not be able to do it. How much I wish I could write whenever I want - I always have to wait for the right inspiration and mood. I am turning into a moody idiot.