I hope I am forgiven .... But by whom?

It was a long day today. I slept yesterday at 2:30 am and woke up today at 9:15 pm. I was at Career Launcher at 12 pm sharp. I had my first class there as a back up for the ones I have missed till now. I was the only student presnt in the class and the instructor was too good. The class was very interesting - on english usage. After some explanation, I wrote a test of 45 minutes. I had to attempt 117 questions and the marks I scored, according to the instructor, were better than what other students do for that particular test.

I was the only student in the class. I never knew it would be even this way - they take a class even when only one student is present. I even have the facility of getting a class scheduled for me if I happen to miss any of the regular classes. And sitting alone in the class was a new thing for me. I had all my concentration with the lecture with nothing disturbing me. It was the same in the evening too when I was ther at 6:30. I wrote 3 more tests in the evening.

The classes are a lot different from what I see at my college. The lecturers here are more comitted towards the students and they give personal attention. They already know my name. I am constantly being asked if I am following. Unlike at the college, I will never think of anything else sitting in the class room here.

Yesterday in the college, after listening to some comment from my DBMS sir, I got some new thing in my mind - I dont care which section I am in, all I need is to finish my engineering as soon as possible. I know it will be hard for me to part from my friends, but this is exactly what I want. I am desperate to get away from this city and study at some very nice business school before I leave for US. I will give my best to be in US in the same city my sister will be.

I had a chat with her today and felt very good after that. We had lots of jokes and kept some old things away from the talk. But I told her that when we are in US - whenever it is - we are never going to talk about somebody. She said 'yes'. Then I told her that I am going to save this today's chat and she it to her if she talks on that. I even said that I will keep reminding myself again and again that I never have to talk about that somebody. Then we spoke on several things before she left. She said she ill be here in September.

So things are more clear for me now. After engineering, its MBA and then US. All I have to do is get through CAT, GD and PI successfully and put myself under a lot of strain for 2 years. And never allow myself get disturbed with any unwarranted things. I have hard ties ahead and I am alo worried about my performance at the college. I need to somehow keep the percentage above 75. This is a it of shame for me but things have mde me that way - settle for less. I blow away everything in a laugh. . ... thats the best way to hide things!

The class ended at 9 pm and thnx to a friend who has joined CL, I was home at 9:30 pm as he dropped me on his bike. His house is around 7 kilometers from mine.

I was just thinking what would happen to me if I fail to get through all this. There woul be no place for me to hide my face from myself. I dont have much to think about what others would say, but I cant face myself if anything goes wrong.

And I am in a grave problem if somebody is expecting something from me in the final year. I had given my words to that person saying something I meant will all my heart. I am going to break those words. I hope I am forgiven .... but by whom? Am I being silly? Phew! ... again.