Yesterday I didn't write anything much so I thought of updating early today.
Friday night I slept late - 2 am in the morning. I went to bed at this time and I have no idea when exactly I got sleep. I woke up at 8:15 am and left for college with a friend. There at the college I had to do some paper work for the re-evaluation forms' submission and we reached Osmania University around 1:30 pm. We had to wait in a long queue and it took a couple of hours before we could submit the forms of 11 people we had brought with us.
We even had to submit a form with no college stamp on it. No comments from my side on that!
Then we went to a friend's house who lives near by. After spending some time there I asked a friend to drop me at Koti from where I took a bus for my grandparents' house. I did something silly here. Yesterday in the morning I had taken my new bus pass and I had forgotten about that - I bought a ticket when I boarded the bus!
I slept at 3:15 am in the morning and woke up finally at 12 noon. Then I had a heavy breakfast just before switching on the computer.
I am feeling terrible since yeaterday night. I am trying to keep myself peaceful and reminding myself of the option of always being happy but this time around it is not working. Everything seems to hurt me - the news in the news paper, the sound of somebody knocking at the door, the telephone bell ringing, my clothes I had to arrange, some files on my computer, ... they all seem distorted but they do remind me of some thing else.
I do not understand why I can't make myself believe in anyting to its finality. I am ridiculous in every thought I ponder upon and I need to change. I need to understand that matrity also means not having any mood swings and always being consistent. I have no idea if I am the only one with these thing in my mind. When I think about it, I really feel lonely supposing that it is only me who has such kind of perceptions and feelings. I really hope I am a fool so that I can pray to God for wisdom and set myself right. But if it is not fooloshness, then I do not know what to ask God for. I do not know exactly what I need to have or what I need to lose. I can pray for happiness but I still there is something more missing. It is something else that I had wanted and it is the exactly opposite of that. May be I am very unclar with what I am writing here ... that is how I am presently - unclear and obscure. Untill a few days my online chats used to be lively, now I many time don't feel like being visible and whe I chat with anyone, I end up being too touchy ... one of my friends has given a good explanation - 'senti-less-mental-more'!
I know I don't use any names on my blogs directly or even indirectly but I have to keep some things that way. I will never use any names - at least soemthing out of hand happens and compells me to.
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