I tried darkness in my brain in the dark !!!

Couldn't help with an update yesterday - there was no power in the night for more than 2 hours and I was simply lying near the window trying not to think anythink. This was really tough. My mind has become a kind of hot air filled balloon that refuses to sit at one place. I wated to keep it blank for sometime but only sleep could do it. I know even while sleeping there is nothing I can do as it is an unconscious process.

By the way, yesterday I was at a friend's place who lives very far from my house. I wanted to meet him since long. Has has been to my house several times> I went there after a year. I was there along with another friend and when we were leaving the place at 5 pm he forced us to have lunch. What heppened later that evening was really bad.

I had the keys of my house and I was of the thinking that my brother or my father was having it. And when I came back home I met my father near the gate and he said "Go up, and I will come after your mother takes your 'class'".

I was expecting it. But I was very happy to see my father calm - he had been waiting for me for 3 hours and my mother for 1 hour. All the time I was on my way back I was thinking of the possible things I can say in my defense. But I knew i was my mistake. I wanted to say a sorry but I also knew that, that wouldn't help. I was feeling very bad and guilty - I had made my mom wait for so long.

I wish I could accept openly that it was my fault and say that I am really really sory for that. But when my mom started scolding me, my ego started the talking. I fought back saying that we have 2 keys for the main door and someone else too should have had kept one. There were several useless things I said and all the while I knew I am theone on the wrong side of the line. I was feeling guilty. But what I said made my mom become silent very soon. (I am really for that mamma.)

Today my brother's 10th standard's results were out. He got 80% and was very happy. I had to check the results of around 60 students of my dad's school and I was thinking that it was going to be very tiresome. But it was damn easy and interesting too. Now I plan to create a sort of database in MS-Excel so that it helps him understand the performance of his school teachers. I still have to complete that work.

I started the evening with lots of sneezing. They are on even now. I think in the past 3 hours I have sneezed for more than 50 time. It was a nice pleasure untill it started giving me a headache and made me feel weak. But I am fine now.

There is still a lot of work to be done by me. I hope I can make up a good part of it tonight.